CHRONIC STIMULATION

A Year in Review...

2010-02-03T22:44:00.010-05:00

Yes, it's true. I know..I can't even believe it myself. It's been one WHOLE year since I exposed my naked bottom to a room full of strangers to have this crazy contraption implanted.

And while I'm all for exposing one's bottom to a room full of strangers, I'm happy to avoid doing so if it also means I can continue to avoid any circumstance requiring a revision surgery (just a note to those of you going in for surgery at any point in the near future: your naked bottom will not be exposed. A motherly nurse will take the time to drape and cover your bits-n-pieces and no untoward remarks will be made. I hope.).

I digress. In honor of my 1-year stimulator anniversary, my husband bought me a wee present (which can be aptly described as stimulating). I suppose I could insert a sexual innuendo about stimulation here, but I won't debase myself (I leave that for Friday nights). Anyway, DH bought me (drum-roll...) a Keurig coffee maker. I don't know what it is about this wacky little pod machine that makes me so happy. I feel like my very own Barrista...except with a less chipper attitude and a frumpier hair-style.

So after having lived with my stimulator for a year, I've noticed the two questions I'm most frequently asked are: 1) is it working/does it help? and 2) are you happy you had the surgery?

The answer to both questions is yes. However, I think it's important for me to point out that my version of the answer to "is it working?" is likely to be different than another patient's. This is simply because every patient has different expectations. I didn't go into this thing thinking that it would cure my pain (I didn't even hope). It hasn't "cured" my pain and that's ok because I didn't expect it to. But it does help and it helps enough. Of course, it's extremely difficult to quantify just how much it's helping but, if I were forced to give an answer, I'd say on very good days, it alleviates about 40% of my pain. But those days are rare. On most days, I'd say it helps with about 30%. On bad "flare" days, it seems to be a lot less.

Even though it hasn't eliminated my pain, I'm nonetheless very glad I decided to go forward with the implant. A 30-40% reduction in pain was worth it to me. For another patient, that number may not be enough given the attendant risks. It's a very personal, patient-specific decision.

Before I sign off, I wanted to send a virtual hug (I know, I'm cheesy) to reader Lizi, who just had her revision surgery on Feb. 3rd. I hope you are healing well, my dear (not only am I cheesy but I guess I am now morphing into someone's nana). Also, Mr. B thought this picture of himself as a bitty puppy would cheer you up and help you in your recovery...

Word to the wise...

2010-01-14T20:27:00.012-05:00

DH and I finally took down the Christmas tree. It was sad but considering it was dangerously close to becoming a fire hazard, it was time. Unfortunately, all of the ornament wrapping and needle sweeping worked the Pain Gremmie into a nasty frenzy. On top of that, I got it in my beady head to paint my toe-nails. Do I ever learn? (don't answer that). Apparently, my toes decided it was vitally important to sport a fresh coat of polish before seeing my acupuncturist the following morning (in fairness to my toes, it was pretty important...).

Anyway, I had my stimulator turned up high to address said nasty pain (for me "high" is an amplitude of about 5.7-6.0 but, of course, what's considered "high" is patient-dependent). However, I made a total rookie mistake when forgetting to power down the amplitude before turning off the pulse generator. This meant that when I turned it back on, I almost peed my pants from the strength of the stimulation I experienced. Lucky for me, this all happened when I was in a waiting room full of patients at the acupuncturist's office (would you expect anything less?). I let out a yelp the likes of which earned me a number of inquiring glances but I was too busy furiously punching in a more comfortable setting to really care (that's actually not true..I was embarrassed to the point that I high-tailed it out of there).

For those of you who may not know, the body experiences sensory adaptation with neurostimulation. What a patient can handle when first turning on the stimulator is usually much less than what he or she can handle after hours of stimulation.

So, the purpose of this post is to counsel those of you who are about to have a stimulator implanted or who have recently had one implanted. Do yourself a HUGE favor and remember to power down the system before turning it off (particularly when set to a high amplitude). Believe me, you'll thank me for it.

And that's my advice for the day. Now here's a picture of some kick-ass blue eggs I recently discovered at the grocery store. I've decided that, when I grow up, I want a pet chicken that can lay blue eggs....

Resolution Solution...

2010-01-06T21:09:00.008-05:00

I have all sorts of resolutions for the New Year. At the top of the list is updating this blog more frequently and creating a daily routine that I actually stick to. Then there's the one about being nicer to telemarketers (not that I'm not nice already but I could stand to be nicer..I mean they are people too). Then there's going to bed earlier, eating more beans, and being better organized with my medications.

Many of you already know that I'm a complete mess when it comes to my medications. I happened to mention this little fact to DH's auntie about a year ago and I think she took it as a personal affront (bless her heart). Since then, she's come up with a number of "systems" to help me get organized. I think this latest one might actually work. As you can see, each day is color coordinated and there's an AM and a PM and each little case is portable and the text is in a ridiculously large, clownish font.

If this doesn't help me then I really don't know what will...

Update: for those of you interested in purchasing one of these sweet pill organizers for yourself..Amazon sells them for $8.12.

Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/Apex-Pocket-Med-Pack-Tray/dp/B000EGN1A6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1262998871&sr=8-1

Acupunctured!

2009-11-23T22:13:00.001-05:00

So I started acupuncture recently. I tried it years ago but stopped after awhile when it wasn't cutting the mustard. Unfortunately at that time, I had a crap-fest doctor who didn't believe in pain medication (ironic, since she was a pain management doctor) and well, anyway, it was difficult for me to get into the acupuncture "zone" when I could barely get out of bed. Now that my pain is better controlled (and I've long since left that doctor in the dust), I decided to go back to acupuncture. It also didn't hurt that I was given a coupon for two free sessions at a local acupuncture center. I'm a sucker for free stuff.

When my clinician took me into the examining room, I handed her my intake forms, told her that I was "special" and said that I hoped she was feeling confident (aren't I mean?). She chortled a bit and gave me this knowing look and announced that "all her patients are special." I just nodded and smiled (but was totally thinking, "ya, but are all your patients freaking bionic?"). She looked at my intake forms and it wasn't long before she got all googly eyed and announced "wow..you really are special!" I tried not to be smug (it was difficult).

We reviewed my medical history and I showed her my incisions and how the stimulator works and we went over all the areas that should not be acupunctured (nothing over the battery and cable and no points on the spine). After that, I turned off my stim. and hopped onto the examining table (let's just pretend that I'm spry and that I can actually hop onto tables).

The doctor put about 12 needles in various parts of my body (including my scalp,fingers and right between my eyebrows). I can't say that the needle placement is painless but it's no more than a wee pinch.

Then came the Moxibustion (I'm totally down with the lingo). Moxa is the same thing as mugwort and acupuncturists use it in a few different forms. It comes in something called a Moxa pole (the thing that looks like a doobie pictured above in Gremmie's hand) and in a moss and cone form. Moxa poles are lit and allowed to burn slowly a few inches above the patient's skin, providing warmth to the area. Moxa cones are placed on the patient's skin (usually with a thin barrier in between) and the moss form is rolled up and placed directly on an acupuncture needle. When the Moxa is lit, it releases heat which seeps down into needle (or through the barrier if it's in cone form) and radiates into the body. It's pretty much divine. The only "thing" about Moxa is that it smells suspiciously like pot. I've been using a Moxa pole at home and I think it's about time I go tell my downstairs neighbors that I haven't turned into a stoner. I fear judgment.

Anyway, I've had three treatments thus far and, while it's still early, I have noticed that I've been sleeping better and I've had a little more energy. My pain levels have been shite the past few weeks (am dealing with a flare at present) but I have noticed that when I leave acupuncture, I feel better than when I arrived. Not half bad.

Well, that's my little update for now.

Vacation all I ever wanted....

2009-11-10T23:20:00.000-05:00

I'm happy to report that DH and I had a wonderful time in Mexico! Not only did we not contract swine flu, but we also had no problem at the airport with the stimulator. I was expecting to set off alarms and cause an airport lock-down but nothing of the sort occurred. In truth, it was horribly disappointing. I ended up feeling a little pathetic after walking through the metal detector with nary a beep. I thought, at the very least, I'd be taken aside by a handsome airport official in tight pants for the special run-down with the hand-held detector. In reality, I was waved on by a not-so-cute airport official in ill-fitting pants..and I didn't even have to show my Medtronic card (even though I had been holding it in my sweaty palm for 20 minutes prior in anticipation of aforementioned lock-down).

The plane rides were made more palatable with the stimulator. That's not to say I was comfortable but, compared to the last time I flew (pre-stimulator), this time was much better. When the pilot notified passengers to turn off all battery-operated devices, I was ready to turn off my stim. (because I'm a good little doobie who follows rules). But,DH stopped me with a stern look and pointed out that passengers with pacemakers don't just turn off their devices. So, it stayed on (without incident) and between the stimulator, extra morphine, and the distraction of the window seat, I kept the pain gremlin in check.
Once we arrived in Mexico, my body was greatly soothed by the warm temperatures. After living for so long in a very cranky and fickle weather zone (where the barometric pressure suffers from constant PMS), I forget how much better I feel when the weather is temperate. After a few hours in balmy Mexico, I was feeling pretty darn good and my pain gremlin (hereinafter known as "Gremmie") was ready for a pina colada.

I also felt like a little whipper-snapper again because DH and I went snorkeling every day. I never swim in the ocean because 1. Jaws and 2.the water where my parents live is F-you cold. Two seconds in that water, and my muscles tense up and Gremmie is whipped into a nasty, nerve-pained frenzy. No thank you. But, here, I had no problems with muscle spasms because the sea water was pretty much the temperature of a cozy bath. DH and I morphed into Snorks and we saw tons of brightly colored fish, a really cute sea turtle and an amazing sting-ray (and no sharks).

So, it was a wonderful and much-needed vacation. The traveling was pretty fatiguing and I've had to recover a bit from that..but it made turning 30 totally worth it. I might just have to turn 30 again next year....

30 is the new.....

2009-10-19T22:53:00.009-04:00

Well, it's official. I'm no longer in my twenties. Yes..it's true..I just turned (sniff) 30.

Gosh darn it..this means I'm gonna have to change the description of me being a "twenty-something" in my blog banner. Not cool. Not cool at all.

Of course, when my mother was less than thrilled about turning 60, I bombarded her with cliche pep-talks about age just being a number.

I've since told myself to take that crap advice and shove it.

Fortunately, my friends and family have plied me with so much cake that I've been in a sugar coma for two weeks and haven't had time to pout.

And then there was this little ditty that my nephew drew for me as a special birthday present. That's the two of us picking apples. Note the fact that we look like Wookies and he forgot to draw himself ears. Can you understand why this has quickly become one of my most treasured possessions?

And (drum-roll) DH and I are going to Mexico on Friday! Wahoo! Come to think of it, this turning 30 thing isn't half bad.

So this trip will mark my first experience traveling with the stimulator. I have my handy dandy Medtronic card that states I have a medical device but I'm still slightly anxious about getting through security- particularly on the Mexico side. I can already see it...I'm holding up a long line of hot and frazzled passengers while trying to fish out my Medtronic card and explain the implant in halted, awkward sentences to less-than-enthused airport security officials.

I'm already sweating.

I need cake.

Then there's the wee issue of the narcotics I'll be transporting into the country (I know that by using the word "transporting" it makes me seem like a drug dealer and that's exactly what I'm going for).

Anyway, I've polled a number of chronic pain patients who've traveled to foreign countries with controlled substances and none of them have had problems. The consensus is to keep them in their prescription bottles, keep them in a carry-on and (to be extra safe) get a doctor's note. Believe it or not, I was actually organized enough to get a doctor's note (sometimes, I surprise myself).

I'm also really curious to see if the stimulator helps make the long flight more palatable. When DH and I flew to Hawaii for our honeymoon, I was in monstrous pain (even when we broke the flight up into two shorter flights). I'm crossing my fingers that this time will at least be a little better.

So if I don't post again tomorrow (which is highly likely), I'll let all of you know how the traveling worked out when I return!

(Photo Credits: Pic. of that awesome sparkling bday cake taken by JustShal photography)

It's Me!

2009-09-28T20:51:00.005-04:00

Yes, I know. Despite all of the "I'm Back!" fanfare from August 6th (with a pretty awesome accompanying shot of taffy), it turns out that I wasn't actually back. Instead, I was extraordinarily busy doing a whole lot of nothing and all of that took up a serious amount of time. That's my lame excuse.

In general I'm feeling alright these days..though I did have a bit of a nas-tay flare-up last week. I had a deadline for work and (in true Danimal fashion) I procrastinated as much as I possibly could. This was a very bad idea as it resulted in me having to sit for hours at a time in my 10 year old office chair with an obscene amount of stimulation coursing through my legs and a nasty scowl on my face (which was followed by a few days of shuffle-walking and extreme annoyance at Mr. B when he pulled me across the street to sniff through my neighbor's garbage). Luckily after a few days of extra pain meds. and some aspirin, I'm feeling better.

Ok.. that's my short update (for now). Mr. B says "hi!"

PS-I'm so happy to see that a few new members have joined the site...thanks for visiting!

I'm Back!

2009-08-06T19:00:00.007-04:00

Sorry for the longer than expected hiatus. I'm just coming out of a taffy-induced sugar coma. My diet on this vacation was piss poor. I subsisted mostly on pastries, taffy and boardwalk lemonade. It was fantastic.

Now I'm back from vacation and have no excuse not to resume eating well. Though, I do confess to waking at 1am this morning to the siren song of the taffy sitting on our kitchen counter (wherein said taffy was transported into the bathroom for 15 minutes of ravishing). You'd understand if you'd actually tasted this stuff (and, yes, I do think the fact that I eat my midnight snacks in the bathroom is quite odd and, no, I do not know why I persist in this questionable habit).

Anyway, I was happy with how I felt this vacation considering the long car rides involved. I can honestly say that car rides have become much more palatable since having the stimulator implanted. They still aren't "fun" but they are much better than pre-stimulator.

I did experience some nasty pain when I went to church with the in-laws this past Sunday. I forgot to bring a pillow for my back and when I sat against the pew, the edge dug into my incision. I unleashed a stream of expletives (though only in my head, lest I be smoted) and spent the rest of mass hunched over-Quasimodo-style . I'm adding "purposefully uncomfortable seating" to my list of grievances with the Catholic church.

Well, that's my update for now. But before I sign off, here's a picture of one of my favorite August flowers (which Mr. B and I spied on our afternoon walk...).

Alright, here's a second pic. I should note that I hid in the bushes to take these pictures as I didn't want my neighbors to mistake me for a flower stalker (which I most clearly am..).

Quick Hello...

2009-07-29T23:23:00.003-04:00

I just wanted to type a quick hello to say I'm still around! DH and I are on vacation at his grand-parents' shore house and, until today, the internet here consisted of going into a corner of the house and..ahem...relying on neighbors (if you will). Not that I countenance that sort of thing. Fortunately, a wireless router was purchased and now..here I am! I'm hoping to update tomorrow but now it's time for sleepy!

Special Visitor...

2009-07-24T22:48:00.003-04:00

Someone special came in the mail the other day. This little guy...

DH found him online and decided he needed to come stay with us. However, DH is trying to convince me that he's entirely too cute to be my pain mascot. My mom agrees. For that matter...so does my friend LG (who said that maybe he could be my pain mascot if he had motor oil poured over him).

I still think he's a good representative. He's quite pesky and at times he simply will not leave me alone. Especially when I'm sitting here typing on the computer...

MyStim Style...

2009-07-21T21:41:00.004-04:00

I finally found a wee bag for my MyStim that does not offend my style sensibilities. Not that I actually have "style sensibilities." And, frankly, I'm not exactly sure what it would mean if I did. All I know is that the little pouches Medtronic gives out make me think of fanny packs and orthopedic shoes. I'm not yet ready for either.

For awhile, I was putting MyStim in my handbag without a protective case but I've since decided that's a very poor idea. The copious amounts of sand, dirty coins and questionable detritus residing in my summer bag persuaded me.

Anyway, DH and I were at JCrew last night and I came across this little ditty for $6.47. It's a good size and it fits MyStim and the antenna (whereas the Medtronic pouch does not. Seriously, who designs those things?!) . It's also pink inside...which is incredibly important and will most assuredly have a positive impact on how well my stimulator functions...

Happy 6 Months to Me!

2009-07-16T17:54:00.006-04:00

I have to give a quick nod to the fact that today marks the 6 month anniversary since my stimulator surgery. So, MyStim and I are gonna spend a nice, quiet evening at home snuggling under the covers and just enjoying each other's company.

That sounds dirty.

Actually, DH and I are going to see the new Harry Potter tonight. It's the first movie I've been to since the surgery and it will be at least 3+ hours. I'm interested to see how I feel by the end of the night. On a side note...I feel as though I should be slightly embarrassed by how excited I am to go see this movie. I'm so not.

So 6 months out, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm able to sit here at the computer for much longer than before without being in so much pain that I feel like projectile vomiting. I am still on the same dose of methadone but have been able to take less morphine for break-through pain. I'm happy with that.

Well, Mr. B is giving me the stink eye. Time to take the little guy out.....

Trial by Stimulation Part Uno (how long should my trial last?)

2009-07-15T22:15:00.000-04:00

This picture has nothing to do with the topic of my post but it's from my mum's kick-ass hydrangea garden and I wanted to show it off. This was taken over 4th of July when the petals were just coming into their color. By the end of July, they will have darkened into glorious orbs of periwinkle blue. They are, in a word, impressive.

Anyway, I want to talk about the agonizing process that is The Stimulator Trial (I'm hearing this in a really deep and ominous sounding voice and I think you should too). There are a number of things I want to rant about in regard to stimulator trials but I'm going to do it in a few posts because 1) I'm not going to flatter myself by assuming that any of you want to read another one of my long rants and b) my carpals are tunneling.

So I use the word "agonizing" because, for many patients, evaluating whether the temporary stimulator is truly helping (in a 3-5 day period) is almost an impossible task. The trial procedure itself can cause significant post-op pain to the point that patients may have to significantly limit their movements and activities for a good portion of the trial. For this reason, I'm in favor of a trial period of at least 5 days but really think one that lasts for 7 is best (if you can swing it).

As I've previously mentioned on this blog, I underwent two trials (because I like to do things the hard way). The first trial only lasted 3 days. That was a mistake. I had my cousin's wedding to go to and was hell-bent on not going with dirty hair and wires sticking out of my dress. I did get to the wedding with clean hair but was forced to hobble around with the aid of a cane while a good portion of the guests stared at me in a way that made me feel as though I had a "Hello My Name is: Odd Cousin" sticker pasted to my forehead. No fun.

The 3-day trial simply did not allow for enough time to heal from the procedure. I spent most of the trial shuffling around my apartment in dumpy sweatpants and doing the log-roll in and out of bed. I never got to the point where I could go for a gentle walk around my neighborhood or even sit in a chair for an appreciable amount of time. Hell, I couldn't even stand up straight (and when I tried to, I caused the damn thing to start bleeding again).

The 7-day trial also offered up post-op nastiness but at least by day 3.5 it had started to dissipate. I was able to try a few activities with the stimulator (pony rides, roller-skating, and wild monkey sex..nothing crazy). But the big thing was that I was able to sit at my computer for 20 minute intervals which was pretty important given that my leg pain is always worse when sitting. By the end of the 7-day trial, I had a much better feel for the stimulator and how things worked.

Ok, I'm going to stop now because this post is becoming dangerously close to being long. In fact, I think it's already there.

Next time I'll talk about why patients shouldn't drive themselves crazy trying to figure out what % of their pain is alleviated by the temporary stimulator...

Everybody look at me..'cause I'm sailing on a boat

2009-07-07T20:14:00.009-04:00

Mother Nature must have received my nasty diatribe because the sun actually came out for an extended period of time this past weekend. DH, Mr. B and I drove down to the beach to spend the 4th of July with my family. Mr. B was in heaven..rolling in suspect things and chomping on crab shells.

LG, one of my childhood friends, also drove down for the weekend. She made us these delicious cupcakes. We decided they looked like boobies (cuz they do).

On Sunday, I went sailing with DH, my nephew and my brother on The Green Monster.

That squirrely looking exclamation point is my nephew's addition.

The sail was pretty big for me because the last time I went sailing, I was extraordinarily uncomfortable. That was a few summers ago, pre-neurostimulator. This time, I was actually able to enjoy myself (save for the few times we sailed into deep water and the theme song from JAWS popped into my head). We sailed to a little island and jumped off to explore (ok..so everyone else jumped and I more or less fell...).

I found this sweet looking shell...

After about 15 minutes of snooping in tidepools, we clambered back on the boat and sailed back to the main beach (we saw 3 nosey seals on our return sail which elicited high pitched squeals from me but also served to make that pesky JAWS music just a bit louder).

After about 45 minutes on the sailboat, I would have expected to be stiff and sore but I really didn't feel too bad. I can honestly say that the stimulator helped me with the ride.

I wish I could have said the same for the crap-fest that was the drive home (stuck in traffic for many hours = bad, bad pain) but at least I could say that, earlier in the day, I was on a boat (and that's as real as it gets).

Contest Winners!

2009-07-02T13:43:00.007-04:00

Ok, I lied about posting the contest winners last night. Instead, I watched a horrible chick-flick (and thorougly enjoyed it). But..I just pulled the names now and..drum roll...the winners of the book giveaway are:

Cheri

Marie

Heather L.

Seernisse

Jess

I wish I could have picked more winners but please know that all of you are winners in my eyes! Also, I will be hosting more book giveaways so stay tuned!

PS-Limojay...did you have the revision yesterday or will it be next Wednesday?? If it was yesterday, I am so hoping that everything went well and that the doctors were able to figure things out for you. I'm thinking about you! Keep us updated!!

62 Degrees and Rainy (with a strong chance of fungi)

2009-07-01T21:30:00.005-04:00

Dear Mother Nature:

I didn't want to say this before because I respect you and I understand that being capricious is your "thing." However, I can no longer hold my tongue. 28-days-of-rainy-weather during the summer is unacceptable. What I'm trying to say is that you're kind of being a bitch.

Ok, that was rude. I'm sorry. It's just that neither my pain nor my hair can handle this ridiculous humidity. I mean, it looks like I've sprouted horns on either side of my head. I know this to be true because, when DH looks at me, I notice his eyes resting on said horns.

I'm also very tired of walking Mr. B through wet grass and copious amount of fungi. I don't need that nastiness squishing between my toes.

So, I'd really, really appreciate it if you could throw a little blue sky and low humidity my way.

Will you help a girl out?

PS- I am sorry that I called you a bitch. I didn't mean it..I was just lashing out.

Introducing my Pain Gremlin...

2009-06-24T17:54:00.013-04:00

I find that patients are amazingly descriptive when it comes to their pain. It helps to translate one's pain into terms that other people can understand (or try to understand) and doing so can be very therapeutic.

I imagine my pain to look a little like this guy....

He's actually named "Hungry" and is the face of the new Weight Watcher's campaign but I've decided he's also going to be the new face of my pain. He's naughty, difficult to ignore, and not easily subdued. If that doesn't say "chronic pain," then I don't know what does.

For a long time, I've imagined the source of my pain to be a tiny gremlin who uses my nerve fibers as Tarzan ropes and sniggers at my paltry attempts to subdue his shenanigans. For awhile, I pictured this little beast to look something like the gremlin who terrorizes John Lithgow in that famous episode of the Twilight Zone; however, when I tracked down a picture of that thing, I decided it was way too scary to be living inside of my body.

Then I was in the hospital for my stimulator surgery and I saw a Weight Watcher's commercial featuring one very misbehaved "Hungry" monster. He was exactly how I imagined my little pain gremlin to be!

Here he is with some donuts. He looks cute..but don't get too close. He bites.

He also does voodoo and is into various forms of magic...

So now you know how I think of my pain. How do you think of yours?

Book Giveaway!

2009-06-18T22:15:00.013-04:00

Given my obsession with shiny new books, I'm pee-my-pants excited to announce the fact that I'm hosting a book give-away for 5 lucky readers! A lovely woman (by the name of Anna) at Hachette Book Group is generously donating 5 copies of Julie and Julia by Julie Powell.

Hachette describes the book as follows:

"Julie & Julia, the bestselling memoir that's "irresistible....A kind of Bridget Jones meets The French Chef" (Philadelphia Inquirer), is now a major motion picture. Julie Powell, nearing thirty and trapped in a dead-end secretarial job, resolves to reclaim her life by cooking in the span of a single year, every one of the 524 recipes in Julia Child's legendary Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Her unexpected reward: not just a new found respect for calves' livers and aspic, but a new life-lived with gusto. The film version is written and directed by Nora Ephron and stars Amy Adams as Julie and Meryl Streep as Julia."

The book has nothing to do with living with chronic pain or a neurostimulator (as far as I know) but it does look like an entirely entertaining and appetizing diversion. And let's face it, patients in chronic pain can always use a diversion.

So...to enter the contest simply post a comment below with your name and email address (if you don't want to post your email address in the comment section, you may email me at chronic.stimulation@gmail.com).

You will be given an extra entry for becoming a follower of my blog (I know, shameless promoting).

Also, readers who suffer with any type of chronic pain and who tell me a little bit about their experience (no more than a sentence is required!) will receive an extra entry.

CONTEST RULES:
You must be a resident of the U.S. or Canada
No PO Boxes (PO Boxes are kinda of lame anyway, right?)
5 winners will be drawn at random and will be notified by July 2nd
Contest ends July 1 at 11:59 PM EST

On the Road....

2009-06-13T17:20:00.004-04:00

I'm still around, fear not. I haven't posted this week because the weather decided to revert back to early spring and I was forced to grumpily contend with temps in the 50s and rainy, bone-aching weather. I didn't feel like doing much beyond swishing around the house in sweat-pants and hiding under the covers (I fought that as best as I could). I've also started to do more work for my job..which has been usurping a significant amount of my energy, though it is a nice feeling to make some money again (DH brings home the bacon and I bring home the bacon bits).

Anyway, DH and I are up North with DH's family for the weekend. Mr. B is delighted. He loves it up here. This morning, he took off and we had to send out a little search party for the wee beastie. Turns out, the weasel broke into the neighbor's backyard and took it upon himself to belly-flop into their pool. Luckily, these neighbors are super nice and have two yellow labs of their own so it wasn't all embarassment (most of the embarassment stemmed from Mr. B vomitting into the pool right after leaving a turd in their garden). Seriously, why does this dog torment us so?

Well, I'll be back home tomorrow night and I'll do my best to post again this week. Finally, I wanted to send a great big get-well to Vicky who is recovering from her stimulator operation. I'm thinking about you!!

X-ray Wednesday...

2009-06-05T01:45:00.002-04:00

So I had my x-ray on Wednesday and the good news? NO alien baby growing in my spine! Oh and also my leads haven't shifted (but frankly, it was the alien baby I was concerned about).

Anyway, I was expecting Dr. A would show me the x-rays on one of those backlit screens but he actually just used his computer. After that, I took the elevator a million floors down to medical records (I think I ended up on the 3rd circle of hell) and did my best to charm a very nice lady into putting my x-rays onto a cd. Somehow it worked. Then, DH took the images and worked a little magic to enable me to post them here. Basically, I had nothing to do with the process but I'm going to take all the glory.

In the image above, you can see the paddle (the dotted thing in the center of my spine). It's a 16-electrode paddle but is called a 5-6-5 specified lead because of the way the electrodes are organized on the paddle. The paddle was fitted at T9-T10 and, as I've previously mentioned, they had to cut away bone to do this (I'm going for drama here). You can also see the two leads coming off the paddle. Here's a close-up....

I had no idea the leads were in such a jumble back there. Although, I did feel pretty jumbled after the surgery. You can also see a little bit of the cable connection down at the bottom left of the picture. Here's a side-view..

And another side-view of my whole spine. This one was taken with me in a fetal position on an obnoxiously hard x-ray table...

And then there's this little ditty...

This image was taken while I was in surgery. Luckily, Dr. A and his little minions remembered to take that clampy thing off.

Dr. A did say that when comparing the image taken during surgery to my new images, the paddle looks like it sits a little higher in the spine but he said that may be attributed to a difference in how the images were taken. Even if the paddle is higher, he said not to worry because my stimulation pattern has not changed. He thinks the funny popping feeling I'm experiencing may be fibrous tissue which has grown over the area. It's still an icky feeling but at least I don't have to freak out about it.

So that's it for my x-rays. I hope these images will be helpful to those of you considering a stimulator and those of you who are about to embark on a trial or permanent implant surgery (as a side note..these images were only of my thoracic region and do not show the battery).

Ok..gotta go to bed. DH is whining.

Where do I get these Ideas?

2009-06-02T22:34:00.001-04:00

I got it into my beady head last night to give myself a pedicure. Though in fairness to my beady head, my feet were looking pretty scary (see above...at your own caution).

Painting one's toenails with a back problem = not a good idea. There I was..balanced atop the toilet seat (knees up to chest) trying my best to apply a thin and even coat of polish while also trying my best to ignore nausea-inducing pain. The end result isn't pretty. My 5 yr. old nephew could have done better with finger paints. And then there's the issue of the wee flare-up I'm having today.

On another note, DH has needled me into finally agreeing to get a thoracic x-ray. Dr. A informed me that many stimulator patients feel odd sensations post-op; however, he also informed me that an x-ray was in order.."just to be safe." I'm slightly anxious that the x-ray will show something insidious (for example, a baby alien) but I'm also trying to be rational. It could be scar tissue. My scar tissue can be quite tenacious.

Anyway, I go in tomorrow morning bright and early. This fact is making me grumpy.

PS-thanks to everyone for your suggestions about medication organization. rs- I particularly like your use of the word "sundry" and I've decided I'm going to start incorporating it into my vernacular as much as possible. Wrambler..your suggestions are really great. I'm going to do some reconnaissance work this week.

I Did it Again....

2009-05-29T22:25:00.014-04:00

The other night, I picked up the phone to call in a a prescription when much to my dismay, I caught sight of three very un-welcome words affixed to the prescription label. "No Refills Remaining." I darted a quick glance at the clock- it was 5:45 pm. The pain center had closed at 5:00.

FRICK.

I'm certain DH noticed me muttering under my breath but he made no inquiries and I volunteered no information. I know he judges me (just a little) for making such a mess of my prescriptions. As well he should. When it comes down to it, I'm completely and utterly inept with the whole business. I can't tell you how many times I've let my pain medication run low on a Friday to the point that I suffer through the weekend with less medicine because I didn't obtain a new script(as most patients in chronic pain understand, one cannot "call in" a narcotic prescription over the telephone...instead, patients have to physically pick up the paper script and deliver it to a pharmacy. This means, when one's doctor's office is closed over the weekend, there is no way to obtain a new script).

This time, it was my sleepy medicine. Unfortunately, when I don't take it, sleep eludes me. Instead, I enjoy hours of tossing and turning, rumpled covers, bunched up pjs and mussy hair. On top of that, I have to contend with a moody Mr. B who ends up restless with all of the tossing and turning (cue lots of sighing, grumbling and general belly-aching)

So, the long and short of it is that I need to figure out some way to organize the timing of filling these prescriptions. Of course, I've made this declaration many times before but this time I'm serious. I'm thinking of creating some sort of dorky chart or calendar- this would be right up my alley (although, I'm open to other suggestions). Do any of you encounter this problem?

4 Months Post-Op Update...

2009-05-26T19:36:00.001-04:00

This is what I call "Stimulator Art." I know...inspired. I'm embarassed to admit just how much time it took me to snap those little twigs and fashion them into a "4" (and how little time it took Mr. B to muss the whole thing up with a wee breathy snorffle).

Anyway, I'm now officially 4 months post-op! Actually, I'm about 4 months + 1 week. But, as previously mentioned, I'm behind in everything. Alas, I'm happy to say that I'm feeling a little better these days. I attribute this to a combination of the fact that I've had another month to recover and my stimulator was adjusted for a second time. The adjustment was huge. I came away from the appointment with a number of new programs and, since then, I've noticed I'm able to sit for longer periods of time and am having less break-thru pain. Both of these facts are certainly cause for celebration.

DH's youngest sister brought me these cupcakes last week. They were good. Very good. I had to share with DH though.

Back to my update. In terms of post-op pain, things are better but I still have a lot of tenderness...particularly in and around the battery site. It feels similar to the tenderness following a flu-shot..except it feels like I had 10 flu-shots in that area. But, I only feel pain when I press on the area and when I bending down to put on socks & shoes and do my Jane Fonda exercise tape. The tunneling cable is also tender and my back incision feels sore when I lean against a cushion for too long. However, things on this front are much better than they were.

What hasn't changed that much is my feeling utterly fatigued. I still have a difficult time falling asleep at night which translates into difficulty upon waking. I'm really, really hoping this will change over the summer, as I'm beginning to tire of this cycle (har har).

Finally, I'm often asked whether I'm glad I chose to have the surgery. I don't want to jinx things but, at this point, I am. While the stimulator isn't a panacea (I like to work that word into conversation as much as possible), it does help. It helps me enough to the point where I have the stimulator turned on 96.8% of the time.

On that note, I'm off in search of some good nutrition. I had a relapse with Honey Nut Cheerios today. It wasn't pretty.

5000 Hits!!

2009-05-21T20:40:00.000-04:00

Chronic Stimulation has made it to the 5000 hit mark! Yay! Wee! Yippee-Skippy! Wahoo! Yehaw! Howdy-Doodie!

I want to convey my appreciation to all of you for visiting and continuing to show interest in my recovery and day-to-day life as a bionic woman and general weisenheimer. I'm hoping this site will continue to be a source of information for all of you and for patients in chronic pain considering or are already living with a neurostimulator!

Happy (Belated) Nurses Day....

2009-05-17T18:36:00.010-04:00

I'm a little behind with this post but being behind in things is a theme with me right now. What can I say? I stink (figuratively, of course).

Anyway, May 6th was National Nurses Day and the kick off to National Nurses Week which ended on May 12th, Florence Nightingale's birthday. Although I'm a bit late, I'm nonetheless going to send this card to my amazing pain management NP. I mean, if a patient wants to convey her appreciation to a nurse, does she really need a holiday to do so? (can you tell I'm feeling guilty? the thing is, I bought the damn card like 2 months ago and still couldn't get my crap together to mail it in time..).

The point is, if you have a nurse in your life who has shown you kindness and care, why not convey your appreciation?

I don't know where I'd be without my pain management nurse. I fell into her care a few years ago and have significantly benefited from her tidy, organized manner and creative approach to managing pain. Equally important, is the fact that she's truly sensitive and unafraid to offer a hug, a gentle pat or even a tissue when circumstances necessitate such kindness.

Of course, I can't deny the fact that I also appreciate her because she continues to indulge my nasty and long-suffering habit of calling the pain center at the last minute to refill prescriptions (I get in big trouble with DH for this).

So, here's to my nurse and all the other nurses out there who deserve serious nods of appreciation and high-fives (this statement also includes a nod to my auntie who is a labor-and-delivery nurse/lactation consultant and my cousin who is an intensive-care nurse).

All of you totally kick-ass! (figuratively, of course).

Temporary Lead Removal...Does it Hurt?

2009-05-11T21:59:00.003-04:00

A few readers have expressed a little anxiety in regard to having their trial leads removed. This is completely normal. I felt a little nervous too (and when I say a "little" nervous..I actually mean I felt like I was going to vomit). But, I can honestly say that I worried for nothing.

I had two stimulator trials and therefore had two lead removals. Both times, I felt no pain. I promise I'm telling you the truth! The first time, I went into an examining room and stood up while the doctor carefully peeled off the tape. After the tape and bandages were removed, the doctor slowly pulled the leads. He finished in the span of 5 seconds. The most noticeable sensation I experienced was itching (from a reaction to the tape). For the second removal, I sat on an examining table. In retrospect, sitting was better.

The second time I had the leads removed, a fellow did it (I mean a medical fellow..not a "guy," "man" or "fella"). I forgot to turn off the stimulator and he forgot to check. This meant the leads were pulled out while the stimulator was on. Fear not my little chickadees..it didn't hurt. Although, it was an entirely bizarre sensation that wasn't exactly pleasant. So, word to the wise, remember to turn off your stimulator and it'll be easy as pie. Seriously..if you made it through the trial part, you're a tough mother-freaker and will have no problem showing the lead-removal who's boss.

Now, if you're nosy like me and want to see what the process looks like..then take a peak at this video on YouTube (if you're squeamy, then maybe you shouldn't). This patient's sister videotaped her lead removal (it looks much worse than it feels). She had stitches (that part may be different for you, as it was for me). If you scroll down and read the comments, you'll notice that it was painless for her as well.

For other patient readers who've been through this...I'd love to hear about your experience. Was it fairly painless for you too?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ll49m0620qE

Nutritional Delinquent...

2009-05-10T22:15:00.002-04:00

Last week I had an epiphany about my nutritional habits. It was 1:30 in the morning and I was crouched on the toilet (seat down), shoveling Honey Nut Cheerios in my face as fast as I could without choking. I'm not sure why I chose to sit in the bathroom to eat. It's not like I was multitasking (and, frankly, I wouldn't do that kind of multitasking). I have no rational explanation.

Anyway, my epiphany is this: I eat like crap. I'm pretty sure I almost gave myself scurvy after my first stimulator trial. The post-procedural pain did a number on my appetite but for some inexplicable reason, I was ravenous for strawberry Pop-Tarts and Fruit Loops. Fruit Loops with no milk. Just straight up, out of the box.

Vegetables were scarce during that time.

After my big surgery, a bunch of my friends took pity on me and delivered a well-balanced meal to our house every evening for more than a week. Thank God for those meals because otherwise I think my hair would've fallen out.

Now I'm noticing that because I'm not eating enough during the day, I'm making a habit of getting up and snarfing down food in the middle of the night. Mr. B doesn't mind because he scores a snack out of it. But I think DH might mind because I usually leave the refrigerator light on or accidentally step on one of Mr. B's ridiculously loud squeaky balls (a squeak that carries with it an eerie resemblance to a clown's horn...not the type of thing you want to hear when half asleep).

The other issue is that I'm addicted to sugar. Seriously. Like a heroin addict. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I need something sugary after every meal. Otherwise, I feel like something's missing. Last night, I tried to content myself with a beautiful bowl of fruit as my dessert.

I was doing quite well fooling myself until my habit took over and, well, this is what happened....

I'm weak.

I know there's a relationship between my poor nutrition and feelings of fatigue and sluggishness. I also came across numerous articles that link poor nutrition to increased joint inflammation and pain perception. Whether or not there is in fact a relationship doesn't actually matter to me. When it comes down to it, I know if I ate better, I'd feel better. Obviously, this isn't a novel idea.

So, I've decided to set a few goals for the month of May. First, I'm going to try (try) to stop this nonsense of getting up during the night to eat, as it interferes with my sleep (who cares about DH's sleep..it's my sleep that matters). I'm also going to eat more during the day, cut down on refined sugars, and eat more vegetables, fruit, and stupid healthy things like flax seed.

I should also probably cut down on drinking coffee but..well..maybe I'll save that one for June. I don't want to get too ahead of myself.

Cheerio Photo Credit: Floor1point2/com/paged=2

Patients Review Spinal Cord Stimulation...

2009-05-07T15:44:00.001-04:00

DH and I are obsessed with product reviews. Actually, DH is obsessed and I have a healthy appreciation. He subscribes to Consumer Reports and when it came time to expand our family with a flat-screen tv, he spent months pouring over reviews and gadget blogs. He also talked about the whole process with anyone who would listen, including random people on the street (or at least it seemed that way). All of the obsessing paid off though because in April of 2008, we welcomed a beautiful new 46" Samsung into our living room. At first, there were many late nights (we didn't get much sleep) and lots of channel changing. However, we eventually settled into a nice routine and Samsung continues to delight us on a daily basis.

I like to read book reviews (no surprise there). Amazon.com is my friend. I won't purchase a book without first having established that it doesn't suck. The same goes for make-up. I get nervous in front of make-up ladies (cue the sweaty upper-lip) and I like to have a game-plan before heading into the cosmetics war zone. I've been bamboozled a few times into buying colors that simply don't work on my deathly pallor (I hearken back to the time when I purchased a dark red lipstick only to have my father tell me I looked like a clown). So, Makeupalley.com is my friend (side-note to reader sherigirl..these comments do not apply to you).

Anyway, I'm telling you this because I found a website that offers user reviews of surgical procedures, including spinal cord stimulation. This got me thinking about the fact that patients are consumers and, as such, it makes sense for patients to approach the decision-making process regarding a neurostimulator in the same manner as one would when evaluating any other consumer product. In a way, thinking of ourselves in this context feels a little icky (or at least it does for me). We want to think that our doctors and device representatives have only the goal of managing our pain in mind. That simply isn't the case. There are other interests at play and it behooves us not to ignore this fact. I say this, not to be cynical, but to empower those of you who are about to embark on the decision making process.

Revolution Health is the website and, according to Wikipedia, it serves a similar function as WebMD. The user rating section allows patients to review medications and treatments. Each review is divided into 4 categories, including: perceived effectiveness, ease of use, tolerability, and whether the patient would recommend the procedure or drug (i.e. product). There is also a section where the patient can write a paragraph about his or her experience.

Two downsides to the stimulator reviews are the fact that the most recent review was written in 2007 (though I will change this when I post my own review) and there are no reviews written by patients with RSD or pain syndromes other than Failed Back Surgery Syndrome, Degenerative Disc Disease, and Peripheral Neuropathy. It would be nice to see a greater range of patients writing reviews given that neurostimulators have a diverse application.

Also included on the site are user reviews for many medications commonly prescribed for patients in chronic pain, including: traditional narcotic pain relievers, and medications such as Lyrica, Neurontin, Nortriptyline and Effexor (the list goes on).

If you're interested in reading the current reviews, or possibly posting your own, click on the following link:

http://www.revolutionhealth.com/drugs-treatments/rating/surgical-procedures-spinal-cord-stimulation-scs?sort=recent&view=treatment

And before I sign out, I'd like to note that I tried my hardest to come up with a cheesy title to this post to remain in keeping with my usual practice. Alas, I am tired. I have no cheese. I failed this time but am confident that it won't be long before I'm posting again with some sort of horribly cliche title. That's a promise.

X-Ray Vision...

2009-05-05T21:42:00.004-04:00

I've been dying to know what my system looks like on the inside.

Actually, that's a poor choice of words. Let's just say that I've been very curious. After tooling around on the net, I came across this picture on the Mayfield Clinic website (side note: I'm fully aware of the fact that the phrase "tooling around on the net" makes me sound like a total weenie). Anyway, this is an x-ray of a patient who had percutaneous leads placed with the pulse generator in his or her flank area. While this isn't exactly what my system looks like, it at least offers an idea. And now I know why it looks like I have a goiter sticking out of my back, where the extension wire is. Do you see those two rows of four little squares? That's the connection point. That's what really sticks out on me and hurts like a little stinker.

I'd love to find an x-ray picture with a patient who had a laminotomy, surgical leads and paddle. If I do, I'll post it on here for comparison.

Of course, I could pursue getting an x-ray with Dr. A to find out what the frick is causing this popping under my incision. Then I could take a picture of said x-ray and post that on here. However, as previously noted, I refuse to do so. At least for now. No offense to Dr. A, but spending so much time with doctors is getting a tad old...

Feeling a bit...

2009-05-04T17:16:00.008-04:00

I've been feeling a bit blue lately. This past week was difficult.

My 30th birthday is in a few months and I can't help but think I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be before turning 30. Don't get me wrong, in so many ways, I'm ecstatic to be where I am. I'm married to a great guy (who willingly does my laundry and does it well). My family is seriously supportive and they get the whole chronic pain thing. I'm blessed with wonderful friends. And I have Mr. B, my wee fur-baby, a never-ending source of head-tilts, stinky ears, grumbles, moans and loyal puppy-love. When it comes down to it, I am pretty lucky.

I really hate being in the dumps. It doesn't come naturally to me. Of course, I'm human and therefore, have my moments. I may snark at DH for no apparent reason ( "no apparent reason" actually means lady hormones but I don't admit that until weeks after the fact). Sometimes, I wake up a little tired and grumpy. However, prolonged periods of dumpiness just isn't my style.

This past week was a little different though.

My mom came up and stayed with me on Friday so we could attend a cousin's baby-shower on Saturday (if I'm down in the dumps and my mom's around, there ain't no way I can play it off. Sooner or later, it comes out). We were all in the living room and I decided to show my mom and DH the outfit I bought to wear to the shower (actually, my mom bought it for me...she believes in retail therapy and I love her for that). Anyway, I was sore. I was tired. I was dumpy. But I was trying to keep it together. I brought out the skirt and the navy cardigan I had purchased. My mom suggested I wear something red to go with the outfit. DH suggested that the honking red pimple on my chin could be my "something red."

I didn't say DH was without fault.

My lip started to quiver and a horrified look flashed across DH's face. Normally, I would have shot back with a clever quip, but I just wasn't up to it. Quickly grappling for something to diffuse my blooming tears, DH settled on self-flagellation ("that was just a stupid attempt at a stupid joke!" .. "I'm a stupid idiot, don't listen to me!".. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" "Your pimple isn't that bad."... "Just use a little concealer and it will be totally invisible!".."Did I mention that I'm stupid?"). I shot DH a dirty look, turned to my mom, and squeaked out, "I've been having a rough time this week." Within seconds, she was on the floor next to me, doling out motherly pats.

Lately, I've been thinking about the fact that I didn't anticipate spending 4 long years in law school and so many excruciating hours (and I mean that in the most literal sense) studying for a bar exam, only to find out that I'm (physically) unable to handle a full-time position as an attorney. And then there's the whole reproducing thing. I really want children. And I absolutely look forward to the whole spawning thing.. but the thought of carrying a baby causes me a lot of anxiety. The anxiety doesn't change my mind about moving forward with plans..it just reminds me that it's going to be a significant struggle.

There are many times when I just wish everything didn't have to be such a struggle. At the same time, I know there's not much I can do about it. Having to struggle is part and parcel of living with chronic pain. And, really, I suppose having to struggle is simply part of living. Plus, I'm acutely aware of the fact that things could be much worse. As I said, I know I'm pretty lucky.

Anyway, I'm hoping this week will be better. I have high hopes. This morning, I received the results of a blood test panel from my doctor's office and everything was normal. Normal! I was more than surprised..and pleasantly so. I also have my watercolor class to look forward to on Wednesday evening and, this afternoon, I noticed my neighbor's white lilac trees are finally in bloom. Mr. B waited patiently for me while I stuck my head in for a good, long sniff....

Action Alert: National Pain Care Policy Act of 2009!

2009-05-02T22:19:00.010-04:00

I had a long day (journeying to a cousin's baby shower..far, far away). I'm in pain. A lot of pain. But before I drag myself off the couch and make my way to bed, I'd like to talk to you about a crucial piece of pending legislation. Wait..wait..don't go away! I know that last sentence sounded horribly boring and it's entirely probable that you'd prefer to sit in a dentist's chair rather than read about something as boring as legislation (ick). But if you're a patient with chronic pain or you have a loved one with chronic pain, this bill applies to you.

I'm talking about the National Pain Care Policy Act of 2009 which would require the Secretary of Health and Human Services to convene a conference on pain, conduct a public awareness campaign on pain management and coordinate research programs related to pain.

The bill, which was passed by the House in March, has moved on to the Senate for a vote (thanks to Senators Orrin Hatch and Christopher Dodd). So, what can you and I do to help? Well, we can either write to our senators in support of the bill or if we don't have stamps, can't find a pen, don't care for licking envelopes, have a grudge against the postal service or are just plain tired..we can go to this link and simply fill in our name and address:

https://secure2.convio.net/apf/site/Advocacy?pagename=homepage&page=UserAction&id=279

And please, please be one of those super pesky people and email this link to every single person you've ever met. Implore them to fill it out. We need this bill to pass!

(Source: Thanks to American Pain Foundation for the above link)

Stimulator Adjustment- Take 3

2009-04-29T13:56:00.008-04:00

It's a known fact that heat does not agree with me. It makes me snarky. And sweaty. When the temperature is above 80, I have a permanent glistening on my upper lip. DH takes it upon himself to blot for me. I appreciate this little gesture except when he decides to do it in public (for example, on a crowded train).

The heat also gives me "summer itch" on my arms (which is not to be confused with "winter itch" which I get on my legs). I'm not even sure how DH stays attracted to me.

It's been unseasonably hot here the past few days; though, I've been trying to keep my cranky thoughts to myself. I did get out on Saturday and drove a few towns over to visit one of my favorite independent bookstores. I begged the lady behind the counter for a cup of water because I was so sweaty and started to get dizzy (the heat does not mix well with my pain medication either).

After that, I went to the town green and caned my way up to the shade of some cherry trees. That part was nice, especially since I had acquired a cold lemonade along the way.

Monday, I went to see Blue for a stimulator adjustment. Most of my programs weren't quite cutting the mustard and the one program I was using was also causing me to experience stimulation in my abdomen. That's one downside to neurostimulation. It's often the case that numbing the painful parts also means numbing non-painful parts (and I say "numbing" because that's what the stimulation feels like to me). This can't be helped given that so many nerves are in close proximity with one another.

I was also worried that one of my leads had shifted, as I've been having this poky feeling. Blue said there was no indication from her computer that this was the case. Big relief on that one. She took a peak at the spot and mentioned it might be the edge of the paddle moving around but said as long as it isn't hurting then it's probably ok. She thought I could go see Dr. A for an x-ray but I'm totally not going to do that because I'm just not. For now, at least.

When Blue and I were working on my adjustment, Dr. R came in. He was the one I didn't choose to do my surgery even though he did my trial procedures. It was kind of awkward. I got that feeling I get when my hair-dresser figures out that I had highlights done by someone else. We engaged in a little awkward banter, my upper lip started to sweat (yes, I also sweat when I'm nervous), and my face turned red. It was awesome. But then he left and Blue and I got back to talking about canine nutrition.

I left the appointment with 7 new programs and, so far, I think they're better than what I had. Yesterday, I noticed I didn't take as much morphine sulfate for break-thru pain. I don't want to get ahead of myself because I don't want to deal with disappointment. At the very least, I can say that yesterday was better than the day before.

Now, on to my public service announcement of the week. If you have a stimulator, don't hesitate to go in for a program adjustment whenever you think it's necessary. I've started to view adjustments the same way I view medication tweaks. It takes a little bit of work and nuance but it's just part of being on long-term medication. It's the same with neurostimulation. And don't be afraid to be a total pest to your stimulator rep. (seriously, I advocate full on stalking mode until you are able to get an appointment for an adjustment).

And that concludes this post. Besides, I have to go blot my upper lip.

A Novel Distraction...

2009-04-24T17:37:00.004-04:00

I think I've mentioned before that I've cultivated a bit of an obsession for books and all things book-related. I could spend hours in a book store. Rifling through the new fiction reads, paging through cookbooks, crying in the "self-help" section. Sigh...that's my idea of the perfect way to spend a rainy, weekend afternoon. Unfortunately, my browsing is often foiled by pain but, if that's the case, I seek out the comfort of one of those over-sized, upholstered chairs that are often hidden amongst the shelves (in the larger book-store, at least). If all of the chairs are taken, I will hover until it's insanely awkward (and I may resort to reading over peoples' shoulders, caning my way in circles around the chairs, and emitting loud huffing noises).

Chronic pain can make a nasty person out of me.

Anyway, I've come to the realization that part of me is a repressed librarian. This doesn't mean I want to start working at a library..it just means that I enjoy discussing books with others and I also like recommending books. As noted on my sidebar, books represent an escape for me. Not just an escape from worries but also an escape from pain. I find the whole mind-over-matter thing comes into play when occupied by a great novel (to a certain extent, at least).

So, I thought I'd list a few books that have offered me an escape over the years. Of course, your tastes may differ (though, I've tried to offer an eclectic list). If you're into other genres and need a recommendation..let me know. I'll save you the trouble of looking on Amazon.com.

Harry Potter Series- J.K. Rowling (started the first one after my first back surgery..don't judge).
In The Time of the Butterflies- Julia Alvarez (actually supposed to read this again for my upcoming bookclub)
Outlander Series- Diana Gabaldon
The Golden Compass- Philip Pullman
Pillars of the Earth- Ken Follett
Here Be Dragons- Sharon Kay Penman (sounds totally dorky but actually pretty good)
The Winthrop Woman- Anya Seton
Marley & Me- John Grogan (will make you cry if you own a pup)
A Thousand Splendid Suns- Khaled Hosseini
Most Marian Keyes novels

PS- For those of you who are recovering from a recent stimulator surgery or trial procedure..I just wanted to wish you the best and to let you know that things will get better. Sending healing vibes to all of you..especially: rsmontani, limojay, Kim and Cheryl.

3 Months Post-Op...

2009-04-21T22:38:00.001-04:00

So, I've officially hit the 3-month post-operative mark. But, it seems like just yesterday I was prostrate on an uncomfortable hospital bed, thin sheets tucked up under my chin, my greasy mullet-hair fanned out on a stale-smelling pillow. The day before I left the hospital, we had a big snow-storm. I remember waking up around 5:00 am to the excited titters of nurses announcing it had started to snow. It snowed all day and into the night.

3 months later, I've moved on from greasy mullet-hair (mostly) and sleep on sheets of only the highest thread count (ok..that's a serious lie but they're definitely better than those awful hospital sheets). The snow is all gone and has been replaced by green grass and nascent flower buds (not to mention the frequent rain showers about which I like to snark).

I've come a long way since my first few weeks post-op, but feel as though I have a long way to go. I still have significant tenderness around my cable and battery sites. My hematoma continues to shrink but remains a little rotund.

What remains the same is the fact that I have to be patient. I have to keep in mind the fact that a few days of feeling better doesn't mean I'm ready to bench 250 at the gym (cuz, otherwise, I totally could).

I forgot about this whole "being patient" thing when deciding to run after Mr. B last Thursday at the park. I use the term "run" loosely..as I'm not sure anyone could describe what I was doing as running but it was definitely more than a careful walk (which is what I should be doing right now). Sure enough, I woke up on Friday with a bitchin' muscle spasm and I've been in a nasty flare-up ever since.

Knowing and accepting my limitations is a constant struggle.

In other news, I think it's time for a program adjustment. I'm a little worried that my leads have shifted a bit. When I bend or twist (neither of which I should be doing, FYI), I feel this tiny "pop" under my incision. That, combined with the fact that 4 out of my 6 stimulator programs no longer work, has led me to believe that things might have moved. I'm trying not to get my undies in a bunch about it..though it does make me slightly nervous, if I'm being honest. I emailed Blue today and am hoping to see her this week or early next.

Well, I'm off to bed but, before I go, I'll leave you with a picture of my neighbor's burgeoning white lilac trees. Once these trees are in bloom, I stop and sniff every time I walk past (when DH is with me, he walks ahead and pretends he doesn't know me while I shove my head in the flowers. At least Mr. B will stay next to me...although I think that's because those little cobblestones are a popular pee spot for other dogs in the hood).

Dear Doctor: Thanks for the Memories....

2009-04-17T21:58:00.017-04:00

I've decided I'm going to send my surgeon a thank you note. I've always had a wee bit of an obsession for paper products and stationary and firmly believe that a nice note goes a long way. I'm going to send him a note on one of these cards by Kate Spade...

The card pictured on top is the front. It says "The Grass is Always Greener." And then, on the other side of the card, is the picture of the green grass. Clever, eh? The envelopes are lined too. Quite fancy-pants.

So, anyway, I've been wanting to send Dr. A a note for awhile now. I already sent a thank-you to my night nurse because she cared for me so well (and I imagine her job is pretty thankless). But I'm not sure what I should write in my note to Dr. A. What do you say to someone who basically had your life in his hands? I've batted around a few ideas and come up with a couple lines but I still don't know if it captures everything I want to convey. Shall I share?

Well, ok. Here's a rough draft:

Dear. Dr. A:

Thanks for not killing me while my bare bum was exposed on your operating room table.

Also, I appreciate you not making it awkward even though both of us know you saw me naked.

In closing, I think you're the best. But not in a weird, creepy way or anything.

Your Patient,
Danimal

PS-I'm sorry my upper lip was sweating that time you examined my hematoma. It was really hot in that room.

So..what do we think? Too much?

Making Sense of the Mumbo-Jumbo Part II (Anesthesiologist vs. Neurosurgeon)...

2009-04-17T17:51:00.002-04:00

As previously mentioned, there are two types of stimulator systems. The first is one that uses percutaneous leads. The second is one that uses surgical leads. As a quick refresher-percutaneous leads are placed via a special hollow needle into the epidural space above the spinal canal. Surgical leads are placed via an open incision that requires partial or complete removal of the lamina (part of the vertebrae).

It is important to understand that anesthesiologists cannot implant surgical leads. Anesthesiologists have the training to only implant percutaneous leads. This is not a bad thing..it just means that if you select an anesthesiologist to perform your implant, you are also selecting percutaneous leads.

Neurosurgeons can implant both systems.

What does this mean for you as a patient?

This means that you have 2 decisions to make. First, you must decide what system is most appropriate for you. Each system has it own pros and cons. The placement of percutaneous leads is a less invasive surgery. The surgeon does not have to alter the inherent structure of the spine. The surgery takes less time and the recovery is shorter. However, there may be a greater risk of lead migration with percutaneous leads and you may get better pain relief with a surgical lead (important note: remember, I am not a doctor and none of this is medical advice). Discuss the pros and cons of each system with your Medtronic/St. Jude/Boston Scientific representative. Do research on each and make an informed decision that feels right for you.

You must also decide who should place your permanent implant- an anesthesiologist or a neurosurgeon. If you feel that surgical leads are best for you, then it must be a neurosurgeon. If you aren't sure, meet with both types of doctors and ask questions. This should help you in your decision (this is what I did).

It's also ok to switch doctors, even after your trial implant has been performed. I was referred to a local anesthesiologist who performs a high number of implants each week. I liked this physician well enough but he did not explain to me that there are two types of lead sytems for me to choose from. It took my friend J, who had her stimulator put in years ago, to explain the difference.

Both of my trials were conducted by the anesthesiologist but, before going forward with the permanent implant, I decided I wanted to meet with a neurosurgeon. I was referred to Dr. A, a neurosurgeon who had recently moved to the city (and had come highly recommended). After talking with Dr. A and Blue, I felt that surgical lead placement was the best option for me. I also felt more comfortable with Dr. A and, personally, I preferred being operated on by a neurosurgeon. But that was my experience...yours may be different. The important thing to keep in mind is that you do have the power to decide. Don't forget to ask plenty of questions and only move forward if you feel it's right. Don't let anyone push you into anything you aren't comfortable with...remember, you are the patient and it's your body.

And that, my friends, is my public service announcement of the day.

(Photo Credit: TIME Magazine, Source regarding lead placement: Mayfield Clinic Website).

Sniffles McSniffy...

2009-04-16T18:48:00.004-04:00

I've come down with a cold. I didn't want to admit it. It's a mental thing. But this morning I woke up feeling like I'd swallowed a Brillo pad. And I have the sniffies. Man, dealing with anything physically unpleasant on top of chronic pain is a real stinker. I was talking to J about it earlier and she agreed. "It's like you feel completely incapacitated." I so do.

Thank goodness for DH. He took Mr. B out for his nightly snorffle 'n pee. I was putting on my socks when he said..."do you want me to take him?" I knew it was the last thing he wanted to do after coming home from a long day of work but I jumped at the offer and then promptly put on sweats (a theme with me). I'm really hoping this thing will be gone by tomorrow (if it isn't, I might actually have to start whining and that just isn't pretty).

Getting Focused...

2009-04-14T18:26:00.008-04:00

I took a trip into the city today to take part in a focus group on neurostimulation. Yes, I'm not kidding when I say I was paid $100 to drive downtown on a beautiful day, sit in a cushy office, drink bottle water (or Coke or Sprite, if the mood had struck me) and answer questions about my experience with neurostimulation.

Anyway, the interviewer couldn't tell me for whom he was working but since there are only 3 stimulator companies, it had to have been for Medtronic, Boston Scientific or St. Jude/ANS (I know..even I'm sometimes impressed with my powers of deduction).

He asked me all sorts of questions and at one point remarked that I have a very good memory. Either he was trying to feed my ego or I had the poor guy seriously fooled...given the fact that my memory is total crap. Regardless, I was still handed a check for $100 as I was leaving (and if it weren't for being in pain, I would have MC Hammer-danced my way out..just as a note of thanks).

This was the view right outside the office. It was in such a pretty location.

And this was the view to the side of the office:

And a little further down. It was a beautiful day..a little windy though!

Around the front, were the tall penile-looking buildings pictured at the top of my post (c'mon..you know you were thinking it...).

After I got back to my car and left the city, I drove to my 4:00 massage therapy appointment. The only hitch was...my appointment is scheduled for tomorrow and it's scheduled for 4:30 not 4:00. See...I told you my memory is crap.

It was ok though because I came home and took Mr. B to the park to enjoy the late afternoon sunshine. It was a good day. I felt useful because I was able to bring home the bacon (even if it was only a bacon bit).

Now, I am gladly going to don my men's sweatpants and get in bed to relax. Tomorrow, I'll tell you about my appointment with pain management.

Seaside Easter...

2009-04-13T23:49:00.001-04:00

DH and I took Mr. B to my parents' house for Easter. The town where they live is my most favorite place and I always feel at peace when I'm there. The town is surrounded by water which ranges in color from a pale, frothy green to a deep, navy blue.

Amidst the town's bustling center, is a wonderfully inviting bookstore full of shiny scrubbed pine floors, a cozy fireplace and free coffee (yes, this is basically my dream bookstore minus a case of cupcakes). Then there's the specialty pie shop (which, this past Saturday, boasted an impressive line that snaked out the door and into the pouring rain). I know, I totally sound like a cheesy tour-guide.

But still, I have to tell you about this place:

This little ditty sells all sorts of sassy shoes and bags and sunglasses (most of which I can't afford). However, my mum took me here on Saturday for a bit of retail therapy and pain management. Medical studies have proven that shopping is an extremely good pain reliever (although pain relief is most effective when someone else pays). My mum is well aware of such studies. First, she took me to the hair salon and bade her stylist to work magic on my tangled locks (resulting in a fabulous cut and golden highlights, if I do say so myself). Then, we went to this store and she bought me these:
I have a pair of these in black (which my mum actually bought for me last summer). As a patient who's had numerous back surgeries, I can attest to the fact that Jack Rogers sandals are quite comfortable and a prudent alternative to heels (without that frumpy orthopedic look).

Now I sound like an infomercial.

Ok, I suppose I should stop talking about girly things lest I scare off my male readers.

Would you like to meet a little friend I made on Saturday morning?

We took my niece and nephew to the Easter egg hunt and this Bunny Man was hippity hopping around handing out toothbrushes (actually, he wasn't hopping at all. He was squatting the whole time like he was leaving bunny nuggets on the grass; however, he was handing out toothbrushes).

On Sunday, I took Mr. B to the beach for a little scampering. It was cold and very windy and I was sore, but was happy to see the wee beastie enjoying himself so much. He spent a good amount of time snorffling in the sand and scaring me half to death by running too close to the rough surf. He can be such a little brat.

The rest of the day was spent back at the house with the family. I love being with my parents but sometimes it's hard to keep any sadness regarding my pain at bay when I'm around them. I find myself wanting to crawl into my mom's lap so I can put my head on her shoulder and have her rub my back (though the fact is, I'd probably crush her if I tried).

Anyway, we had a nice Easter brunch and I relaxed for the remainder of the afternoon before we left for home. The return car ride left a lot to be desired, as there was a crap load of traffic and it took us 4 hours. Thankfully, DH and I were fully immersed in a good book-on-tape.

But, I miss the beach...

Spring? Is that you?!

2009-04-09T13:47:00.006-04:00

It's finally over 60 degrees today. Shining sun, balmy breeze, chirping birds. I'm in a good mood. Well, for the most part.

The wee pain gremlins in my legs are still making a right nuisance of themselves and my incision is pretty tender this week. I was peeking at it in the mirror and it doesn't look like a straight line anymore. There's a little poky spot that seems a tad squishy when gently palpated ("palpated" makes me think of dirty things...but that's because I'm immature).

I don't remember the spot being there before but maybe I'm just being paranoid. I've read a number of stories where patients have done perfectly well with their stimulator surgery, only to encounter problems months later. If I'm being completely honest with myself, I have to admit there's a small part of me that worries about that possibility. The very thought of it makes me pee my pants a little. I guess I should avoid those thoughts since having to change my pants does become a nuisance.

Maybe the squishy spot is more visible now because the swelling has diminished. DH says "we'll just keep our eye on it."

Mr. B and I had a really nice time at the park this morning. What with the whole springy weather and green grass thing, I experienced a definite the-hills-are-alive-with-the-sound-of-music feeling.

There is a small downside to spring which is that the park next to our house becomes more populated with toddlers and their mums, as the weather gets warmer. This requires vigilance on my part, as Mr. B has a penchant for making friends with toddlers and tromping on picnics (peanut-butter smeared faces and Cheerio fingers present a certain allure). On the other side of the park, is an elementary school recess field. The field is overseen by extraordinarily cranky recess monitors standing sentry over the children, ever ready to screech a reprimand for the slightest infraction (I guess that's part of the job requirement though).

Mr. B and I felt the full force of one of these monitors a few years ago. It was recess and we were walking by the school (minding our own damn business) when, out of nowhere, a monitored descended upon us, harpy style. She shrieked at us to leave, lest Mr. B gobble up one of the children. Mind you, Mr. B was just a puppy and afraid of his own tail. Despite this, the monitor had convinced herself he was Kujo. He did have a tendency to eat things; however, these things did not include little children.

Anyway, I was totally vindicated when a gaggle of 2nd graders ran over to me asking, "can we pet yer dogggg?" I immediately morphed into Julie Andrews, all Bedknobs and Broomsticks, giving the children a lesson on how to properly approach and interact with a dog. Of course, Mr. B put on his best show and was perfectly adorable while the kids exclaimed "oooh..his ears are soo soft!" and "oh my gosh! he licked my hand!"

As the kids dissolved into fits of giggles, I could see the recess monitor out of the corner of my eye clicking her tongue and not knowing what to do with herself (while I was totally thinking "in your face, monitor lady!"). Before leaving, one of the children looked back over his shoulder and then turned to me to say, "Don't pay attention to the lady who yelled at you. She yells all the time. She's mean." Then I felt bad and imagined the poor recess monitor to have a sick husband at home, gout, money problems, and no energy to deal with these good-for-nothing, misbehaved brats. Though, I did reason with myself that I deal with tough things too but I don't screech at people (usually..).

Anyway, now I just try to keep Mr. B somewhere in the middle of the park which is where we were today. I brought a nice book and sat on a bench (note to self: bench is uncomfortable. next time, bring bed) and let Mr. B off-leash to snorffle around for sticks (and garbage when he thought I wasn't watching). It was a nice morning but now I feel compelled to do stuff. I should probably try to clean the apartment or do some work or fold clothes or do something useful.

Screw it. I'm taking a nap.

Son of an Itch!

2009-04-07T22:42:00.000-04:00

Are you familiar with the dreaded morphine itch? Actually, it can happen with any opiate but seems to be most common with morphine. I asked my doctor about it years ago and she said the body may release histamines in reaction to morphine and she suggested I try an anti-histamine.

My little itch only rears its pimply face once in a blue moon. Usually, it's when I take morphine on an empty stomach.

I guess I didn't have enough to eat for dinner last night because I awoke around 12:30 am with the beginnings of The Itch (dun dun dunnnnn......). It usually starts with just a little itch here and there..nothing to write home about. Maybe an itch on the ankle or the knee, but no biggie. But, that itch on the ankle turns into an itch on the calf and the itch on the calf turns into an itch on the scalp and the itchy scalp turns into an itchy right bum cheek (which turns into an itchy left bum cheek). Soon enough, your fingers simply can't keep up with the intensity of the itch and you're forced to start scratching with your toes as well.

Basically, the itch reduces you to looking like a monkey with scabies.

Anyway, I decided I needed to feed the itch, as having food in my system does help. That's why 2 am found me on the couch, in front of the tv, chomping on a serving-size bowl of honey-nut cheerios.

Long story short, the stinking itch kept me up until almost 3 am. Not surprisngly, I awoke feeling like pootie and had to cancel my appointment with my pain doctor. Fortunately, I was able to reschedule and will see her on Monday.

As a prophylactic measure, I just inhaled 5 chocolate chip cookies. Damn itch will not beat me tonight!

My Mecca...

2009-04-06T22:20:00.000-04:00

We all know New York City has a lot to offer. Ain't no revelation there. It's an exciting place. Full of art, fashion, theater and all sorts of other things I pretend to care about but actually don't. What I really care about are baked goods and this city takes its baked goods very seriously.

So, DH and I had a lovely time in New York, in large part because, Angel (DH's middle sister) showed us around like a varsity tour guide. Angel's been living in New York for over 5 years and knows the city quite well. She also has a keen appreciation for my addiction to goods of the baked variety. The sweet cuppy-cakes, croissants, cinnamon buns (and other assorted buns), scones, muffins, cookies, breakfast breads, and pies. I will delightedly consume anything made with copious amounts of butter and sugar. I want it all.

Not to mention this:

This is a rice crispy treat of no ordinary stature. Angel says it will change your life. She's right. This heavenly nugget came from Veselka, a Ukranian restaurant open 24-hours a day (we were there at 2:30 am).

Earlier in the day, we visited Crumbs, a bakery filled with pristine glass cases housing row upon row of sundry tender, pastel and brightly colored cupcakes.

Admittedly, I'm a cupcake snob but the Crumbs cupcake I stuffed in my face deserved an A-grade. A sweet and dare I use the word, "moist," vanilla cake supporting a generous heap (ok, glob) of rich (but hardly cloying) creamy chocolate frosting. Oh, and it had sprinkles.

As I had mentioned in Friday's post, I was anxious about how I'd be feeling on this trip. But I was most fortunate and surprised to find that, for the most part, I felt alright. I was in pain, of course, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle and it wasn't anything that prevented me from having a good time.

Angel has known me for a long time and is very sensitive to my pain situation so she didn't push us to do any crazy sight-seeing, even though she has the energy of a bunny on coke. We lazed around on Saturday (and by "lazed around," I mean that DH and I slept until 12 while Angel was off sweating out 2 gallons of sweat at a spinning class).

Around 5 or so, we finally got going and took a cab somewhere (I'm not going to pretend like I know where anything in Manhattan is) and did some walking around. I brought my cane- a good decision since I had my stimulator turned up to 7.1 (highest I've ever had it). Unfortunately, my leg kept doing that bizarre locking up thing (a.k.a the "bottleneck effect").

We went to Crumbs but there were no seats immediately available. DH and Angel hovered and, after one guy got up, DH immediately staked his claim to the seat (beating out 3 other chumps). I wouldn't have been surprised if he had peed a circle around the seat. He meant for me to sit down and that was the end of that. When the little girl next to us (who was saving a seat for her mom) piped up and announced to DH, "this seat is for my mom," I think he wanted to pull her pigtails (oh wait, that was me). But, I got to sit down and eat my cupcake and all was good. We finished up the afternoon by getting some delicious (and healthy) pizza at a little restaurant called Slice..and then it was back to rest before the par-tay.

The party we went to was for LG, a friend of mine from childhood (we also went to college together and were roommates). My first memory of LG is from elementary school. It was recess and she was gleefully pumping her legs on the swings, her mouth open in a wide "o" when a bee flew into her mouth and down her throat. I don't know who was more surprised, LG or the bee.

Anyway, it was LG's 30th and her parents decided to host a party for her at a place called Professor Thom's.

After much primping (mostly on my part), Angel, DH and I arrived at the party around 10 pm (just about the time I'd normally be changing into pjs). It was packed. I was so nervous that a bony elbow would poke my battery or paddle site but nothing like that happened. I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in awhile, including a few people I really missed. I was asked about my surgery but actually found it easy to talk about, particularly because everyone who asked was genuinely sincere in their concern.

I stood for a long time but toward the end of the evening, I sat down with Angel and another friend on a remarkably comfortable, plush leather couch (I thanked the stars that the bar had 2 of these). There were a few moments during the night when I experienced an electric shock feeling where my paddle is implanted and I had sudden visions of spending the rest of the night at Mt. Sinai. Thankfully, it didn't happen again and everything was ok.

We left the party around 1:45 and promptly set about finding DH some falafel and me the delectable rice crispy treat. Fast forward to 3:36 am, and DH and I were finally in bed and well on our way to sleep. I was sore but doing much better than expected.

DH and I left the next morning but only after Angel and I made a trip to another bakery (Spaha Cafe).

I'm absolutely exhausted from the whole weekend but I really did have a nice time.

Tomorrow, I meet with my pain doctor.

(Photo Credits: Velselka photo from Ilovethingsthataregreat.com, Crumbs photo from roboppy's Flickr photostream: http://www.flickr.com/photos/roboppy/81256100/in/photostream/, Professor Thom's photo from Newyorkontap.com. Next time, I won't forget my camera at home!).

Danimal does New York...

2009-04-03T16:26:00.005-04:00

DH and I are traveling to New York City this weekend for a good friend's 30th b-day. I'm definitely anxious about the trip, as the last time we went away (post surgery), I had all sorts of nasty muscle spasms and was in a sad state upon returning home. But, I'm hoping this time will be ok. We're staying with one of DH's sisters (he has 3, a fact which makes him enormously in-tune with the female species..though he often pretends that this isn't the case, usually after something stupid escapes his mouth and make its way to my ears. He likes to pretend that he simply doesn't know better. Mm hmm.). Anyway, the party isn't until late tomorrow night so I think much of tomorrow will be spent in sluggish repose on a couch or something similarly comfortable.

I do somewhat dread the whole "hey, how are you doing?" question which I know I'll get. I mean, I ask it too..it's simply good manners to do so. Usually, I just say "good" (or if I feel like being grammatically correct, "well.") But, many people know I had the surgery and I'm sure I'll get questions about it and, the thing is, sometimes I just get bored talking about the whole thing. I'm hoping I can just skirt the issue.

Anyway, best go pack. Hope all of you have a wonderful, pain-free weekend.

PS- Still pouring rain...

Another Rainy Day...

2009-04-03T13:54:00.002-04:00

I think I might have offended Mother Nature with the snarky diatribe I unleashed on here last night. This morning, I awoke to the sound of pelting rain against the windows. This is actually quite a nice sound if one is cozy under the covers. However, when one knows that she has to roll out of bed to take her scamp of a dog out for a wee, the sound of said pelting is not so welcoming.

So, Mr. B and I went for a little stroll. By "stroll," I mean that Mr. B pulled my sore body down the sidewalk while the wind blew the rain into my face, inverted my umbrella, soaked my jeans and whipped my hair into a frenzied mess. Oh, but Mr. B was having a grand time of it...sniffing all sorts of invisible spots and attempting to skulk off with a discarded, rotten apple (I caught the little rat before he did, much to his utter disappointment).

Now that I'm out of the rain, am back in my pjs and firmly cocooned in a tumble of warm blankets (cup of steaming coffee in hand), I don't have to be a curmudgeon. In fact, once I'm done with this post, I'm going to snuggle up with my latest read. And, I'm not going to feel guilty about it! Ok, that's a complete lie. I am going to feel guilty about it because I have loads of things to do. Although, I do have to charge my stim. I'm running on a 1/4 tank and, really, I shouldn't make a habit of not letting it get below 1/2 charge. Hmm..I suppose I can read while I charge my stim..that will make me feel a little more useful.

More later...

April Showers Bring...

2009-04-02T23:45:00.001-04:00

Yes, yes, we all know April showers bring May flowers. But the chump who came up with that saying forgot to add in that April showers also brings arthritic pain and, in me, a bad attitude.

Seriously, today's damp weather seeped into my bones in such a manner that, upon waking, I instantly morphed into a crabby old woman.

I should note that around here, April also brings a screechy adolescent boys' baseball team to the park near my house (and a high-pitched and obnoxiously loud adolescent girls' softball team). How am I supposed to take a nap when all I can hear is Peter Brady sound-a-likes on one field and girlish tittering on the other?! And how in the heck am I supposed to concentrate on my knitting and crossword puzzles (not to mention my Ensure drinking) with such ridiculous cheering and nauseating teen spirit?!! (if you think I'm making a joke about knitting, crosswords and Ensure, then you are sadly mistaken, my friend).

Ok..I might as well put on a pair of granny panties, shake my cane and call it a day. Gosh..I hope I'm not going to be this snarky for all of April.

Cuppy Cake, Cuppy Cake...I love you!

2009-04-01T21:43:00.001-04:00

As I mentioned yesterday, DH just turned 30. Do you like the cupcakes I made him? Aren't they adorable?!

Fine. I didn't make the damn cupcakes. But, in my alternate universe (where I'm an amazingly talented baker) I did make the cupcakes when I woke up (bright and chirpy, no less) at 7 am (on the dot..and without even needing an alarm clock). I also cooked DH a 3-course birthday breakfast whilst singing and dancing up a storm in a French maid's outfit. It was his 30th, after all.

Gosh..the me in my alternate universe is pretty darn awesome.

The me in my reality? Not so awesome. Especially today. Today was just plain rough. Slept in late and had to physically pull myself out of bed. Hair plastered to face, circles under eyes. I actually scared myself when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I think I scared Mr. B too. Sigh. But, I did force myself to shower and make myself look nice. That helps my psyche. I feel like less of a loser with mascara on.

Anyway, on a good note, I'm happy to finally report that the neurostimulator is, in fact, helping me sleep better. After a few nights of having the stimulator set above 5.0, I've noticed that I'm not waking up as much during the night. I still feel fatigued but I think that's because, in general, I have a lot of catching up to do on sleep. I'm hoping if I set a regular schedule of going to bed early and setting my stimulator above 5.0, I'll start waking up feeling less tired.

I was also able to use the stimulator at a higher setting this morning when I had break-thru pain. It could have easily warranted the maximum dose of 30 mgs of morphine but, instead, I turned the stim. up to 6.4 and was able to get away without taking it.

The frustrating thing is, I still can't sit at a table to do work for very long without the gremlins in my leg deciding to throw a party (the little SOBs). Of course, I'm still in the recovery phase and my back is still visibly swollen so I'm hoping this will get better. But, I'm also contemplating a medication switch or addition. I'm meeting with my pain doc. on Tuesday.

And, now, I must sign off. My mouth has an appointment with a deliciously frosted, cream-filled cuppy-cake.

Bottles, Bottles Everywhere...

2009-03-31T20:55:00.008-04:00

I'm starting to feel like prescription bottles are taking over my life. I can't tell you how many surfaces in my apartment are laden with the nasty little things. And they all look alike..which means it requires a good 10 minutes of me peering at each bottle before I find the actual medication I need (15 minutes if it's anytime before 8 am).

There are many medications I've switched off of or have simply stopped taking (for one reason or another) and, as a result, I'm left with a half filled or, in a few cases, a brand new bottle of pills (I could have kicked myself the time I handed over my co-pay for a medication I stopped taking the following day. I could have used that $10 for a new book. Or a lipstick...or half of a Starbucks coffee. Hmph. Oh well). Anyway, I've held onto these medications because I've never known how to properly dispose of them.

So, in the spirit of spring cleaning and the whole loving-the-environmental-is-cool thing, I've decided to finally figure out the right way to do this.

In 2007, the FDA published the following federal guidelines for disposing of medication:

Follow any specific disposal instructions on the drug label or patient information that accompanies the medication. Do not flush prescription drugs down the toilet unless this information specifically instructs you to do so. If it's brown, flush it down. If it's yellow, let it mellow.
If no instructions are given, throw the drugs in the household trash, but first:
Take the medications out of their original containers and mix them with an undesirable substance, such as used coffee grounds, kitty litter or bat guano. The medication will be less appealing to children and pets, and unrecognizable to people who may intentionally go through your trash. (I made up the thing about the bat doodie..I just want to make sure you're reading..but the thing about coffee grounds and kitty litter is true).
Place and seal the medications in a bag, empty can, or other container to prevent it from leaking or breaking out of a garbage bag.
Or..call your city or county government's household trash and recycling service to see if a medication take-back program is available in your community.

The FDA's website also prudently recommends that you scratch off all identifying information from prescription bottles to prevent hobos from going through your trash and deciding to break into your house to steal medication (ok, so the FDA actually says nothing about hobos but you get the idea. Also..I don't want you to think I'm anti-hobo or anything. Anti-clown? Yes. Anti-hobo? No).

So that's that! I'm off to put candles in some cuppy cakes for DH's bday. He turned the big 3-0 today!

(source:http://www.fda.gov/consumer/updates/drug_disposal062308.html)

Feeling a Wee Rubbery....

2009-03-30T21:05:00.000-04:00

I had my first post-op massage this afternoon. As my title suggests, I'm feeling a bit like rubber (but in a grand way). Let me just say that I'm a huge fan of massage therapy. Though, it must be performed on me by a woman. I wouldn't feel so comfortable stripping down to my skivvies and letting a pair of man-hands give me a sensual rub-down (save for when those man-hands are attached to DH, Orlando Bloom and pretty much any male with a Scottish burr). If I were to agree to anything of the sort, I'd have to conduct an extensive interview, a back-ground check and I'd require a number of pictures before any sessions were to take place.

I'm lucky though because I have Mrs. D as a therapist and she's a wonderful, nurturing, motherly sort. Plus, she really "gets" what I'm going through and she works specifically with elderly clients and patients in chronic pain.

I'll be honest. For awhile, I just couldn't palate the idea of massage. I thought that because my pain was so severe, something so simple couldn't possibly help. Plus, I was mortally fearful of being touched in my no-no spot (not that no-no spot. gosh..don't be so dirty. I mean my lumbar incision, silly).

Fortunately, I was wrong about it not being helpful and I needn't have worried about it hurting. I can't say that it addresses the really bad, neuropathic pain but it does help with the tight muscles and beastly muscle spasms (which always make my nerve pain worse). Experiencing a healing touch is also quite nice, given the fact that I spend most of my days feeling like poo.

So, Dr. A cleared me for post-op massage and instructed Mrs. D to avoid the tunneling cable and incisions. Mrs. D was a little anxious, as she's never massaged a patient with a stimulator before but she was very cautious and everything was fine. We started with me sitting in a chair so she could work on the fascia in my neck and then I moved to the table. This was my first time being on my tummy since before the surgery (as a practice, stimulator patients aren't supposed to lay on their stomachs). It was a little uncomfortable at first but Mrs. D put a nice, fluffy pillow under my calves and that really helped. 45 minutes later, I felt more limber and happier than I did when I arrived.

So..is massage therapy right for you?? Well..only you know the answer to that, of course. Maybe the idea of having a random person touch you makes you feel icky. Or, maybe "complimentary" therapies aren't your thing (you think they're horribly new-agey and bogus and you don't want to pay $60 an hour for something you just don't believe in). If that's the case. That's ok. It's all about finding things that work for you and feeling good about those things. However, if massage therapy is something you've considered then I suggest giving it a shot (I'd ask around your pain management center for the name of a therapist who works specifically with patients in chronic pain). And, hey, if you want a big burly man in tight, white pants to massage you...then that's ok too.

(Photo credit: Veer)

Earth Hour and the Ouchies...

2009-03-28T22:49:00.003-04:00

DH and I observed Earth Hour this evening because we're super conscientious, earth people. It's true. We make our own clothing out of hemp and DH drives a Flintstones car to work (it's the reason why his legs are so shapely). Anyway, here is our dining room replete in candle-lit splendor between the hour of 8:30 and 9:30 pm.

I'm happy to report that my stimulator is actually helping me sleep. I think. It will require further testing but I did notice that I slept better last night and I was surprised to find that I actually had the stim. up as high as 6.2..for the entire night! I didn't wake up to notice it on even once. It just became part of my sleep. I also don't remember waking up in bad pain at any point during the night (save for when Mr. B decided to make a pillow out of my feet). I will try the same tonight...

As for how I'm doing otherwise. Well..I feel like I notice a new ouchie feeling every day..or every couple of days. I've been having a tender pain at the top of my incision, where the paddle is and I've been having little pangs here and there where my tunneling cable runs down my back. Then (I'm on a roll now), for the past few days I've been having a lot of soreness at my battery site. If I bend over to put my shoes on, for example, my battery feels like it pokes into my insides (and not in a good way, mind you). The blasted muscle spasms are still there too. I don't know..I guess this all comes with the territory and is a part of my body getting used to a mother load of hardware. Being bionic is definitely harder than it looks...

Before I sign off, I'm still not sure whether my comments feature is fully functioning, as some people are still unable to comment. If you can comment, can you do me the favor and let me know (even if it's to say "hey, this blog stinks."). I'd like to figure out for whom the comments section is and isn't working...

Here Little Kitty-Kitty.....

2009-03-28T21:43:00.003-04:00

Guess what! I got a cat this weekend! Isn't he cute? He doesn't shed or leave little poos for me to clean up and I can clip his butt into my computer. He's pretty much the most awesome cat there ever was. And, having him around doesn't make me wanna scratch my eyes out nor does he make me feel like I have a hairy potato lodged in my esophagus (yes, yes, I'm aware of the fact that potatoes aren't exactly hairy but just work with me...).

Now, before any cat lovers get their little whiskers in a knot, let me just say that I actually adore real-life kitties. I admit this wasn't always the case but, well, things change. However, because of aforementioned allergic reaction, a real cat simply isn't in my cards (which is a good thing since Mr. B is a total wimp when it comes to the wee beasties). But, the awesome thing you see pictured above, called a CueCat, is totally in my cards. DH bought it for me this week. It's basically a little scanner that one can use in conjunction with Librarything.com to create an online database of one's personal library (for the low, low price of $15).

Damn, I really am a nerd. But really..it's pretty cool (no, really. seriously). You scan in a book's ISBN number and, within seconds, the book pops up on the database.

The only qualm I have with CueCat is that he makes no sound when he scans. This, of course, means that I've had to resort to making a meowing or snarling sound (depending on my mood) whenever I scan in a book.

Anyway, I'm a firm believer in animal therapy for patients in chronic pain and CueCat is no exception.

Er..Mr. Sandman?? How 'bout a Dream?

2009-03-26T22:53:00.003-04:00

I'm beginning to think it's possible that my stimulator might have a positive effect on my sleeping habits. If I have it turned up high enough, that is. Oh ya..and if I actually have it turned on.

Last night, I didn't have it on (mainly because I had left it in the other room, and was too lazy to go retrieve it...even though doing so would have involved me walking all of 15 feet. I don't know what's wrong with me). Anyway..my night went a little something like this:

10:00 pm- start feeling guilty because I wasn't in bed (this lasted for an hour and a half)

11:30 pm-actually get in bed

12:30 am-fall asleep (after poking DH for an hour with my icy fingers and telling him about ridiculously inane things that I could have just kept to myself.)

1 am- wake up, roll out of bed and make a b-line for the kitchen like a rabid dog. Descend upon a tray of chocolate chip cookies (which I had made earlier in the evening, because I'm an awesome wife). Heat up a cookie up in the microwave, slam doors and wake up DH in the process (rethink the awesome wife thing).

1:15 am- crawl back into bed (after brushing my teeth, like a good little Danimal)

2:00 am- get back out of bed. Go back to the kitchen..this time for cheese (don't judge me..this cheese is bitchin').

2:15 am- shuffle back to bed (mind you, only after brushing teeth for the 3rd time that night).

2:15-2:40 am- toss and turn, huff and puff (at no point, did it occur to me to go get the damn stimulator which was still only 15 feet away).

Finally, I fell asleep but it wasn't a particularly restful sleep (which resulted in more pain today). It occurred to me, however, that not having the stimulator on could actually have affected the quality of my sleep..as I haven't slept that poorly for awhile. Tonight, I'm gonna crank that baby up and I'll report on whether it makes a difference.

Making Sense of all the Mumbo-Jumbo..

2009-03-26T22:25:00.000-04:00

Yes, this is a drawing I did. Yes, I know it's not a good drawing. And, yes, I got a little lightheaded because I used a permanent marker.

As I've mentioned before, understanding the differences between neurostimulator leads is a important part of the patient decision-making process. Choosing one type of lead over the other can dictate a number of things, including what type of surgeon is required to perform the surgery, how involved the surgery will be, length of one's recovery and specific risks and benefits to the patient.

I'm going to try to discuss these differences..but will do so in a few posts as there's a lot of information (and, to be completely honest, I also want to paint my nails tonight..even though bending over to paint my feet takes entirely too long and is seriously painful. I'm actually not sure why I insist on doing it).

To begin with, I'm going to show you what the leads look like. The diagrams in this post are specific to Medtronic; however, the leads made by other companies are similar in design.

There are 2 types of leads: percutaneous and surgical. Percutaneous leads are placed through a needle, surgical leads are placed through an open, surgical incision. Pictured above, is a surgical lead (this is the lead that I have). It's called the 5-6-5 lead because it has 16 electrodes (a row of 5, followed by a row of 6, followed by a row of 5). The electrodes are those little black boxes and they are contained within the paddle. Coming off the paddle are two wires. Here's a real picture of this lead:

In contrast, percutaneous leads look like this:

As noted, the black squares are the electrodes. This particular lead (Pisces Standard) has 4 electrodes. See how this lead is thinner than the surgical lead? That's because it doesn't have a paddle on it. Because this lead is thinner, it does not require an incision, the way a surgical lead would.

Here's a real picture of a few types of percutaneous leads:

Well, I think that's enough of a lesson for tonight. Besides, my Heem E. Toma is paining me so I think it's time for me to retire to my bed (more on that later..).

Where in the World is MyStim?

2009-03-25T16:51:00.004-04:00

I've decided that, from time to time, I'll be taking pictures of MyStim as I go about my day and when I travel here and there (but mostly it'll be when I travel there). It's gonna be like those little garden gnomes who travel the world and send postcards. Except, I'll know where MyStim goes, because I'll be there too. Ain't no way I'm letting MyStim get on a plane to some exotic destination without me. After all, this Danimal's no chump.

Anyway, at the top of this post is a picture of MyStim hanging out at one of my favorite places, the local library (at this point, you should have figured out that I'm a nerd of the highest order. I don't mean to say I'm a smart-pants nerd..I'm really just your general snort-when-laughing, run-of-the-mill nerd). Can you see MyStim? I guess this is also kind of like a "Where's Waldo?" If you can't see the little guy..you just have to look a little closer...

This also happens to be my favorite part of the library. The books on CD shelves. I'm lucky, this library has quite the selection. Since neurostimulator patients aren't supposed to have their stimulators on while driving, I find that a good book on CD offers a nice distraction to the pain. The radio just doesn't cut it for me, distraction wise, but listening to a good story definitely helps.

Oh..I also wanted to mention that I updated my side profile to include a little information about how my chronic pain started and how I came to the point of considering a neurostimulator. It's located just under the "About Me" section.

Will post more later but, right now, me thinks it's time for some tea.

Let's Get Physical...Physical...

2009-03-24T18:11:00.006-04:00

Coming up with a catchy, quippy title for these blog posts is not my strong-point, as you may have noticed. Instead, I've gone for a sometimes corny, sometimes straight-forward approach. Today, it's corny and I'm alright with that.

This post is going to be a public service announcement about the importance of yearly physicals. Since I already brow-beat my DH into getting one a few weeks ago, I'm now going to do the same with you.

The thing is, as chronic pain patients, it's pretty important that you get regular check-ups with an internist, general practitioner or family physician, in addition to seeing a doctor for pain. I know it's horribly annoying and it may often seem as though managing your health is a full-time job (because it is); however, for you to cope with chronic pain as best as you possibly can, it behooves you to ensure you don't also have a raging case of syphilis or Ebola.

I took my own advice and had my yearly physical yesterday. I got a gold star! Save for the whole chronic-pain-is-ruling-my-life-thing, I'm a healthy specimen. My doctor even told me that the results of my cholesterol test were amazing. I mean, I don't want to brag or anything but she did use the word "amazing." I had a hard time breaking this to DH, as his low cholesterol is a serious point of pride for him (and he's also a competitive sort). He sniffed a bit, feigning indifference, but when he said "oh..you beat me," I knew he was hurting inside. I assured him that the two cheeseburgers he consumed the day before the test most certainly threw off his results. Poor little guy.

Anyway, it's also important that you have a "point person" to manage your over-all health. You may have a pain doctor, but you also need a doctor who will take your blood pressure, check your blood, make you pee in a cup, and feel you up.

I think this is particularly important if you're considering a neurostimulator, given the fact that the whole process is pretty exhausting. Making sure that everything else about your body is healthy before involving yourself in any part a stimulator, can only help in the end (in my oh so humble opinion).

On that note, I'll stop nagging (for today, at least).

Recovery..in a Nutshell

2009-03-20T16:40:00.004-04:00

A number of readers have asked me specific questions about my recovery and about what to expect in regard to getting back in the groove of every day life. That's what I'm going to talk about today.

But, first, I shall show you a picture of DH's mermaid coffee cup. My father-in-law gave it to him for xmas.

And, in case you can't see all that's there, here's a close-up...

The best part of waking up, is ceramic mermaid boobies in your cup.

Ok, about recovery. I'm going to provide a summary of my first few weeks, post-op. Do keep in mind, everyone is different and everyone heals at a different pace.

I also want to stress, again, that the recovery time varies depending on whether you choose to have surgical leads & paddle placed or whether you choose percutaneous leads. The surgical leads (which are what I chose) entails a more complicated surgery and a longer recovery. For those of you who don't know the difference, I will explain in an up-coming blog (understanding the difference is pretty crucial, in my opinion). Also, I'm only 2 months into the average 4-month recovery period so I can only tell you about how the first 2 months have been.

Just a note...if you can't perform "sexual activity" (I'm really shocked they didn't go for the ickiest term possible and say "intercourse."), don't feel bad. There's no need to be hard on yourself (actually..what you do with yourself is really none of my business). These things take time and patience is a virtue (as is chastity...I think).

Anyway, as I've mentioned elsewhere on this blog, I was in the hospital for 4 days (3 nights). While I had my IV connected, I needed help getting to the bathroom. After day 2, I had my IV tubes disconnected and was able to get to the bathroom on my own but relied on the assistance bars to lower myself on and pull myself off the toitey. The entire time in the hospital, I needed help putting pillows under my knees and I needed help with the inflatable boots. Once I was ready for discharge, I needed help getting out of my johnnie and into comfy clothing. I was wheeled to my car but, once I was home, I was able to get out of the car and, with assistance, walk the few feet to my apartment door (albeit, like Mr. Burns a la The Simpsons). With assistance, I walked up the stairs.

Now let's look at the first week I was home:

Week 1:

The day after I came home from the hospital, I was able to shower with the assistance of my husband. I needed the safety shower seat, as I couldn't stand. I needed help getting in and out of the tub and DH had to dry me off and dry my hair, as I couldn't lift my arms.
I needed to be lowered onto and pulled off of the toilet for the first two days at home. If you have a higher toilet seat than I, you'll probably be ok after a few days.
I needed help getting in and out of bed but only for the first 3 days. After that, I could do it on my own, just at a very, very slow pace.
I needed help adjusting in bed and I needed DH to put pillows under my legs..I was not able to do that myself.
I needed help dressing for most of that week..particularly putting on shirts and socks (underoos and pants were easier..I could not wear a bra without pain).
I needed help making tea and coffee (carrying the kettle/pot with water was difficult, as was lifting the pot to pour) but, by the end of that week, I was able to do it myself.
I could not sit in an upright chair during this week without significant pain so most of the time I was in bed. I did not leave the house.
Oh..also by mid-week, I was able to use my lap-top in bed (first few days home it was just too much for me on my hematomato).
Definitely no hanky-panky (despite the fact that I'm sure I looked pretty hot to DH in my men's sweatpants and mullet-esque hairstyle).
No sleeping on right side where cable was.

On to..Week 2:

By the beginning of Week 2, I was able to shower by myself, still sitting down in the safety seat. By the end of the week, I was able to stand up for part of the shower. DH was nearby if I needed him, but I was able to get in and out of the tub myself.
I was able to start drying myself and my hair and was able to dress on my own (slowly).
I could make myself coffee, tea and do small things in the kitchen like make toast. I was able to start feeding the dog again (by that time, he was starving).
Mid-week, I was able to leave the house (with cane and DH's help) for my post-op appointment. I had my stimulator activated!! I had to lay on the examining table rather than sit in a chair and was quite worn out when I came home. Oh- I also needed help putting my shoes on for the appointment.
No real cooking during Week 2.
No chores.
No driving (myself).
No walking the dog.
No wearing a bra.
If I had kids, I still would not have been able to lift them, change diapers or help them get dressed during this week.
I was able to sit in an upright chair but not for very long (10-15 minutes max) before it started getting very painful.
No hanky-panky.

Week 3:

Still a lot of resting in bed...lots of fatigue!
Showering on my own pretty easily.
Still no cooking.
Still no bra for most of the week.
No heavy lifting (like laundry, vacuuming, serious chores).
I was able to do some dusting and light cleaning..wiping down counters, unloading the top of the dishwasher, and using the hand held vacuum (although DH yelled at me for this).
By mid-week, I took Mr. B out on a walk by myself for the first time. This was a bad idea. I should have waited until Week 4 to do this.
Drove for the first time! It was a short distance but I didn't crash the car.
Possibly some hanky-panky (geez..you guys are so nosy).
Still no work.
Able to sit in an upright position for more time.
Was able to go to a friend's house for a few hours and socialize. Still using cane and needed help putting on shoes/tying laces (and, I wore a bra to this but it had to be over a camisole, as I couldn't have it touching my incision).

Week 4:

Back to driving on a regular basis..(not really more than 30 minute trips, however). I had a stim. adjustment this week and I drove myself downtown. I did an errand afterward (though that ended up being too much for me).
I went away for the weekend to a ski resort but stayed in the condo the whole time and still needed my cane to get around. It was a 3.5 hour ride, both ways. The ride there was fine..the ride home was awful (which messed up Week 5 for me).
Still no work.
Able to walk Mr. B, still with assistance of my cane.
Able to start putting on and tying my own shoes.
Wearing a bra 90% of the time but still over a camisole.

Week 5:

Muther f'er...this hurts!! Experienced a serious set-back from the 3.5 hour ride on that last day of Week 4.
Took the freaking bra off.
Much of this week was spent in serious pain. I needed help with Mr. B again. I was able to get in and out of bed, dress myself, shower, etc. but I was pretty miserable.
Lesson to be learned: naughty Danimal = a Danimal in pain. Also, pushing oneself = bad, bad, stoopid idea.
Definitely no work this week.

Weeks 6:

Felt better during Week 6.
Bra back on! Still over camisole.
Went grocery shopping for the first time.
Able to walk Mr. B (most of the time, on my own).
Still used my cane when leaving the house, except for when walking Mr. B.
No work.
Light chores..could unload the whole dishwasher and I vacuumed the house for the first time.
Was able to bake for the first time (but needed help lifting the pan out of the oven).
Was able to go to a birthday dinner in the city (with cane).

Weeks 7-8 (I am on Week 8 now):

I've been able to do a little bit of work (really only a very little..a few hours a week). Sitting at a table is still very difficult for me for more than an hour.
Am able to walk Mr. B without a problem for most walks, and don't use my cane when I walk him because it gets awkward.
Chores (I would be able to do laundry if I didn't have to carry it down 2 flights of stairs), I changed sheets on the bed for the the first time, and vacuumed again (but slowly).
Driving is getting easier, as long as it isn't a long ride (don't forget, you can't have your stim. on while driving). I should note that parking on the street is still a little hard because of having to twist around, so I avoid all parallel parking like the plague (though, I always have).
I am still very worn out and experience fatigue easily but I've been able to do more errands (including taking myself back into the city for a long doctor's appt., shopping at the mall for a few hours, taking Mr. B to the vet, going out to lunch, taking a book to Starbucks to read & sip coffee, 2 trips to the library and, most importantly, a trip to the nail salon). All errands have required the use of my cane.
I also want to note that mornings have been difficult since the surgery. Nights are also difficult, as I am usually very tired by night...so most errands have taken place after 12pm.
If I had children, I think, by this time, I'd be able to help them dress, change diapers, and push a stroller. I would not be able to life a child over 10 lbs, and I wouldn't be able to put a child in a car-seat, unless all that was required of me was helping with the belts/clips.
I also want to emphasize that I'm still taking all of the medication I was taking pre-surgery and am not taking less.
Am finally wearing a bra the normal way (how exciting).

One reader asked me when she could expect to go back to work. It depends on what you do for a living but let's say you have a desk-job. If you do the surgical lead placement, I'd be conservative and say between 8-12 weeks, though I'd probably recommend easing into part-time hours first (if you have a full-time job and can afford to do this).

If you choose the percutaneous placement, 8-10 weeks is probably ok. Again, I'd start with part-time, if you have that flexibility. I think it's better to over-estimate and find that you can actually go back to work earlier than when you expected (rather than underestimate and find that the opposite is true).

Well, I think I will stop there. If any of you have questions about an activity that I haven't covered, please post a comment to ask!! If you have trouble posting a comment (some people have said they are having trouble so I'm working on this glitch), email the question to chronic.stimulation@gmail.com.

Happy Friday, everyone!

Surging Stimulation...

2009-03-18T20:19:00.005-04:00

This has been one of the hardest side-effects for me to adjust to, post-implant. I noticed it with my trial implants, so it wasn't a surprise to me; however, it's more noticeable with the permanent implant (probably because the positioning with the permanent implant is actually better).

For those of you who are pre-trial, let me explain. Basically, the leads are positioned in the spinal canal such that certain movements of the body will press the leads closer to the spinal cord (as mentioned above). When this happens, the stimulation will increase. If it's a quick movement, for example a turn of the head, you'll feel what I can only describe as a surge. Don't worry your wee leetle head (yes, I'm still attempting to talk like I'm Irish), it's not at all painful. However, I'll be honest with you (cuz that's what I do), it's not particularly comfortable. It may surprise you a bit and you may find, for certain activities, that you'll want to turn the stimulator off to minimize the effect.

A quick surge in stimulation can happen when you:

laugh
cough
sneeze
turn your head
lean back
go potty (and I don't mean the #1 kind)
guffaw (I just wanted to type that word..I'm not actually sure if guffawing will do anything to your stimulation).
lift your hands above your head quickly (for example, when dancing the YMCA. It's ok if you do..I'm not one to judge).
bending or twisting (why are you bending?! you shouldn't be doing this! didn't you read your post-op instructions?! bad, patient!)
do the bow-chica-bow (don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about)
a number of other quick movements which I can't remember now but will most likely remember as soon as I publish this post.

Your stimulation may increase or decrease when you:

stand up from a sitting position (this is a decrease for me)
lay down on your back (this is a BIG increase for me)
roll on your side
play musical chairs

When you experience a quick surge in stimulation, you won't have to adjust the MyStim because the surge is so quick..it really comes and goes. In contrast, when you switch positions, you'll likely find it necessary to adjust the stimulator. For example, when I go from standing to laying down, I find that I need to adjust my amplitude from around 6.3 to a 5.3 or even less. This does make a little more "work" for you, in the sense that the stimulator will not automatically adjust for you as you switch positions.

During my trials, I found the need to constantly adjust the stimulator to be a nuisance. This was actually a pretty big "con" for me in terms of going forward with the main surgery..but it's now become fairly second nature to me. The only thing that really seems like work to me, is having to keep the stimulator with me at all times. I frequently forget where I put it in the house and am constantly having to look for it. But..that's my own problem (and I'm in serious treatment for it).

Well, that's all I'm gonna post about for tonight. I have an early doctor's appointment tomorrow morning and I'm hoping I sleep better tonight than I did last night (it was a rough night of me tossing, turning and making loud huffing noises in hopes of waking DH up so he could tend to me. He totally pretended not to hear me, the little weasel).

A Happy St. Paddy's Day & Pre-Stim Psych. Evaluations

2009-03-17T21:25:00.000-04:00

Ok...so this may be Scottish jam (not Irish) but I had to post a picture. My friend, Scruffy, bought it for me and it made my day. I am in love with all things Scottish and it's not uncommon for me to incorporate Scottish words and sayings into my vernacular. However, in honor of St. Patrick's Day, I've switched to an Irish brogue (well, an attempt at one). In all honesty, I think I sound more like a pirate. But anyway, Scruffy shares my love of the Scots, so she understands. She bought 2 jars of this delicious jam and gave me one. I think I'm going to have to make scones to properly enjoy it.

So, today was better for me than yesterday. I'm still having this uncomfortable pain around my incision but at least I'm in a better mood. I'm still very, very worn out but I did get outside with Mr. B and, despite the fact that it wasn't exactly warm, the sun was shining. Here's a pic. of Mr. B enjoying said sunshine...

What I want to talk about in today's post is the psychiatric examination required before a patient undergoes a stimulator trial. I want to share my experience to alleviate any fears or anxiety any of you may have about this aspect of the process.

The psychiatric examination is required by insurance companies before any patient is approved for the trial procedure. The reason behind this is money, in a word. No insurance company wants to approve a patient for the stimulator, only to find out that the patient needs the stimulator removed because he or she is not mentally equipped to live with an implantable device. The insurance company's solution to this is to send you to a psychologist or a psychiatrist for an examination, in order to ferret out any potential emotional issues you could develop after having a big ol' battery stuffed in your belly (or butt).

I talked with Blue about it and apparently, before psych. evals were a standard, there were patients whose emotional states were not strong enough to withstand the implant and they attempted to remove the battery themselves. I know. Not a good image. Sorry to even mention it, but it puts the whole thing in perspective. It's understandable that an insurance company would want to avoid such an outcome.

Now for my experience with the eval....

I met with a psychologist (a sweet man not much older than myself) for about 45 minutes. His office was located in the pain management center where I had my trials. He started the appointment by introducing himself and making a little small talk ("How was the drive in?" "Did you hit any traffic?" "Where were you coming from?"). Apparently, he was pretty keen on hearing about my commute. Anyway, the small talk was followed by specific questions about my pain and why it was that I was referred for a stimulator trial. We went over the date of when my pain started, all of my treatments, the dates of my surgeries and all of my medications. He asked about the cause of my pain (I still don't know the answer to that) and he asked why it was that I was looking for a new way to manage the pain.

The next part of the examination was divided into the following categories:

Family life: including questions about parents, siblings, childhood and present family relations.
Marriage: this was a subset of family life but he asked me about DH and our marriage and about how supportive DH is and how he deals with my chronic pain.
Work: he asked me if I was able to work and what I was able to do.
Mental issues: he asked if I had ever experienced depression or anxiety and if I had ever gone to counseling and about my present emotional state regarding my chronic pain.

Finally, he asked me how I felt about the implant. What did I think about actually having it in my body? Of course, I didn't have a real answer to this. All I could do was speculate as to how I'd feel.

And that was the end of it! He told me then that he saw no problem with me going forward and that he'd put the paperwork through. I made an appointment for my first trial on the way out of the center.

Everyone's experience will be a little different but I do think these evaluations tend to follow a common pattern. However, it's really nothing to be anxious about. Try not to look at it as a "test." The psychologist is not there to bar your way to pain relief. Really, he or she is there to determine if there's anything you need to address, emotionally, before going forward. Don't forget, the insurance company wants to maximize the chances of a positive and successful stimulator outcome...and so do you!

And now..here's a picture of the wee leetle crocus buds coming up near our house!

Chronic Pain Grumps...

2009-03-16T22:36:00.000-04:00

Today started out fine enough. However, any good feeling I might have had slowly dissipated as the afternoon wore on. There was no specific event responsible for this...more like a confluence of little events which left me with a snarl of the upper lip and a general uncharitable feeling towards others.

I spent the earlier part of the day resting and reading but, around 5 pm, decided to pay a little visit to Starbucks, as we were out of beans. I bought a pound of Cafe Verona and was given a free coffee, after which I attempted to settle myself onto a tortuously uncomfortable wooden chair (all the while covertly eying the then-occupied upholstered chair in the corner). As soon as the comfy chair was available, I caned my way over and claimed it like there was no tomorrow. Everything was good. I was absorbed in a highly entertaining novel and had even found an extra, available chair on which to rest my bad leg.

This state of happy relaxation was interrupted, however, when a woman about my age dumped her stuff at the table in front of me, put her little paws on the chair I was using for my leg, and attempted to pull it away. She looked at me, hand on the back of the chair, waiting for me to accede and remove my leg. I demurred (politely) and asked if she wouldn't mind using the other chair, as I was (most obviously) using this one. At that, she shot me a dirty look and pulled the other chair all the way around the table, forcing me to move my chair to accommodate her needs. My face flushed and I felt an immediate pounding in my head and chest. Who did this girl think she was? Did she not see my cane?

Chronic-pain-rage overtook me and I couldn't concentrate on the words in my book. Gathering my things, I made to cane my way around the chair, at which point the girl looked up, understanding dawning on her pinched face.

Before heading home, I stopped at a nearby pharmacy to pick up a prescription. As I was waiting in line, flipping through People magazine, I felt a presence behind me. A too close presence. Someone was invading my space. I turned around to find a man, old enough to be my father, leering at me, goofy grin plastered to his face. I turned back around but not before he leaned into me and whispered, conspiratorially, "what do you think this is, a library?!!" Er...did this man really mean to hit on me? A look of disdain flashed across my face before I could replace it with an attempt at a smile. I paid for my items and quickly left...

When a patient deals with chronic pain, day in and day out, it's difficult to always keep one's emotions at bay. I'm a pretty positive person, over-all, but I also realize that the fatigue and pain does catch up with me. A little scratch here and there and my emotions roil, bubbling to the surface with an unexpected speed.

I came home firmly "in the dumps," but a little time with DH and Mr. B cured me of that, for the most part. A good night's sleep will also go a long way toward lightening my mood.

I think I'm going to email Dr. A tomorrow. I'd like to return to my massage therapist, but I need a note from Dr. A to do so. I also want to ask him about this strange pain I've been having. I'm not sure if it's from the paddle on the end of the lead, but I've been experiencing a pretty significant tenderness at the top of the incision. This is a new pain for me, so I'm a little perplexed as to what's causing it. It's not red or swollen though and that's a good thing.

Anyway, it's time for me to take my sleepy medicine, settle in with my book and realize that tomorrow is a new day.

Spring, Mud Puddles & Belly or Buttock? (Part II)

2009-03-15T16:47:00.007-04:00

Spring is definitely in the air! It's in the 60s here and an all-around super lovely day (I am totally ignoring the remaining clumps of disgusting, peed-on, dirty snow at the end of our driveway, however). Anyway, Mr. B and I went for what you would call a "stroll" this afternoon. The birdies were chirping (we have an amazing contingent of birds in our area and it's actually quite nice until mating season begins, at which point they start chirping with a horny desperation and a flagrant disregard for others).

So, Mr. B and I shuffled along quite nicely until he got hot and decided to hump a mud puddle. Actually, he doesn't hump (except for my in-laws' Curious George doll), he rolls in a dramatic fashion, making a general mess of himself. He does this every spring and summer and, yet, the winter always erases this little bit of knowledge from my memory. So, like an idiot, I just stood there today while he pulled me over to the mud puddle and made a big show of army-crawling through the damn thing. The problem is, it's quite painful to bend over and clean him off afterward. I'm gonna have to be one step ahead of the little bugger in the coming months, as it would be best if I avoided the bending and twisting required for the task.

I wanted to talk a little more about the decision patients face when it comes to deciding where to place one's battery (belly or butt?). I had a discussion about this with Blue. As it turns out, Medtronic put out a "Best Practices" video and conducted testing in regard to this very issue. The tests demonstrated that a battery carries a heavier load and absorbs more pressure when implanted in the buttock/lower back region than when implanted in the abdominal region. This makes sense, as the back absorbs a tremendous amount of shock as a body walks, bends, twists, sits, etc. A greater load on a battery could also translate to a higher frequency of problems with the battery.

Another matter to consider is the fact that placing the battery in the back/buttock region lessens surgery time by about 45 minutes. The patient will start on his or her belly and will stay there throughout the surgery. He or she will not have to be placed on his side and the surgeon will not have to do a temporary "close," as is required when the patient selects the abdomen for the implant site. It's possible that a patient who shows no preference for the implant site will be encouraged to choose the buttock simply because it's easier for the surgeon. Just something to keep in mind...

At the end of the day, the decision regarding where to place the battery is very important for patients going forward with a permanent implant. The battery will be in your body and you're the one who must face the physical and psychological effects of living with an implantable device. Therefore, base your decision on what's best for you and what you are most comfortable with. Make a list, if that would be helpful. You can divide your list into 3 columns including: recovery/physical comfort, convenience, and cosmetic considerations. Talk with your doctor and ask questions. Talk with your spouse, your parents, your siblings and other patients, if possible. Give it thought.

Well, that's it on that issue. In other news, I had a wonderful weekend. My cousin, EB, (born only months before I) came to visit for some quality girly chillaxing. My aunt (her step-mum) came out to see us yesterday and we spent the day doing things that were very positive for my psyche. These included a trip back to the nail salon (see fabulously polished nails in picture above. yes, it's a wee bit of an obsession), some shopping, and a nice late lunch.

Unfortunately, I've developed a new, very uncomfortable pain which I'll post about tomorrow. For now, I really need to lay down...

Belly or Buttock?

2009-03-11T23:02:00.000-04:00

Every prospective stimulator patient faces the question of where to place one's battery. Should you have the surgeon place it in your belly? Or should the surgeon place it in your "buttock?" (again, buttock is not my word choice...this is the word my surgeons used. It's an icky word but I'll try to be mature and use it nonetheless).

So anyway..belly or buttock? Well, I decided to go with the belly, as is obvious from the picture above and from the rest of my blog. There were a number of reasons why I chose this route. First, I'm fairly thin and I discussed with my surgeon the fact that I have more meat on my belly than in my flank region. It's true, I do. I wasn't insulted (ok, I kind of was but.. whatever).

Anyway, some women are averse to the idea of having the stimulator in their abdomen because they want to wear bikinis and don't want a goiter-type growth poking out of their tum-tum. This didn't weigh heavily on my mind, as my days of being a bikini-clad beach bunny are pretty much over. This is mainly because I have the skin of a vampire and thus don't tan well (and, therefore, should stay clothed and under an umbrella). But, even if I did want to wear a bikini, I would feel totally comfortable doing so in spite of the implant. The battery does stick out a little but it almost follows the natural curve of my abdomen (almost). I honestly think it would have looked a lot stranger sticking out of my flank/buttock (ugh, I even hate typing that stupid word).

The second reason I decided on my belly was because I thought the recovery would be much easier. I cannot imagine having to sit on this battery or having it pressed against anything for any amount of time, even now (almost 8 weeks after my surgery). When I press on my battery site, it is still very, very tender and that's only with slight pressure. But when I sit down, drive or lay down, I don't feel it. If I had chosen my buttock, I would have. My friend J, who has an implant in her butt, confirmed that she had trouble sitting on the implant for months after her surgery. She even mentioned that undies were uncomfortable. That wasn't something I wanted to deal with, as I like to wear undies.

The third reason I chose my belly was because the source of all my pain comes from my back. I was worried that another incision in my lower back/butt region would be a bad idea, as my body has proven it's very efficient at growing scar tissue, making a raucous and being a general pisser back there.

The final reason was because I thought it would be easier to use the stimulator if the battery was placed in my belly. If it was placed in my butt, I'd have to hold the antenna behind me to do anything. However, with the battery in my tummy, all I have to do is look down to hold the antenna against my skin..no twisting or reaching around is necessary.

So, these were my reasons. I did ask my surgeon if there were any medical benefits to choosing one placement over the other and he said there really weren't (of course, that's just the opinion of one doctor..you may be told otherwise. Also, don't take that as medical advice..please discuss your concerns with your own doctor).

Of course, the battery does stick out a little bit..I mean, it's not like you can't notice it..but I think it's much less noticeable than it would have been had I chosen placement in my lower back (yes, now I've resorted to abandoning the word 'buttock' all together).

This picture above is a side-view of the battery. There's still a little hematoma noticeable but hopefully the swelling will continue to subside in the coming weeks and months. That indent which is perpendicular to my incision is one side of the implant (when you put your fingers on it and press around, you can feel the edges of the battery).

As an aside, I guess I need to clean this mirror. How the heck did it get so disgustingly dirty? I'm going to blame DH.

On that note..I'm off to bed.

Blooms and Bracelets....

2009-03-10T22:16:00.002-04:00

In my effort to spring-ify our apartment, I bought these hyacinth on Sunday. They smell utterly divine. Our whole apartment is infused with the fragrance of these blooms..but it's not a cloying scent, it's just perfectly lovely. One of the little blooms fell to the table when I was re-arranging the stalks yesterday and I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. Instead, I scotch-taped it to my face. I'm not kidding. I wanted the scent to permeate my nostrils. When I got ready for bed, and washed my face, I still didn't want to throw it away. I scotch-taped it to the mirror in the bathroom. It wilted today but is still there.

My alarm went off at 9 am this morning. When I opened my eyes and had that moment of body awareness, I felt an absolute certitude that I had run a marathon in my sleep (and not well, mind you). I could just picture myself doing what Mr. B does in his sleep (swishing legs back and forth, twitching and wuffling...possibly chasing after a wascally wabbit?). Well, I probably didn't wuffle and I don't remember any wabbits in my dreams but I must have done something . My entire body ached and I did not feel that way when I flopped my head on the pillow at 11:45, last night. I think it's partially due to a change in barometric pressure and also due to the fact that I'm not going to bed early enough. I know that I need more sleep than the average bear and yet, every evening, I waste time looking at ridiculous things on the internet. I must change these bad habits if I expect to heal properly.

But I did spend some time last night looking into medical alert bracelets, which I've been doing now and again since the surgery. My surgeon recommends bracelets for patients with implantable devices, as does Medtronic. Even though I'm very picky about my jewelry, I think it's a good idea, particularly since patients with implants (metal implants, that is) can't have MRIs. I've started to think up all sorts of scenarios where I'm unconscious and need an MRI and the MRI technician just happens to forget to check if I have metal in my body and, well, I don't need that worry on my shoulders. If it means wearing a horridly ugly bracelet, then so be it. This one isn't too bad. Plus, it has pink writing.

It seems that I have two options regarding these bracelets. The first is simply purchasing a bracelet with the information engraved on the back (such as "neurostimulator"). The second is purchasing a bracelet from a company that stores pertinent medical information for me, including specific product information about my device.

Medic Alert is one such company.

http://www.medicalert.org/Home/homegradient.aspx

American Medical ID is another.

http://www.americanmedical-id.com/

Then there's Creative Medical id which is a company that makes bracelets which are supposed to be a little less ugly than the standard medical bracelet. Though, I'm not actually sure if they're less ugly or if they just look more like something a teenager would wear...

http://www.creativemedicalid.com/

I'm going to have to think about this. In the mean time, it's 10:15 pm and I need to get in bed, otherwise, I'm going to get in trouble with myself.

Giving Out but not Giving Up...(and a tasty apple crisp)

2009-03-08T22:56:00.008-04:00

DH and I made a great apple crisp this weekend. Years ago, we were given a subscription to Bon Appetit from DH's grandmother, Bunchie. She asked us to pick a cooking magazine and this was the one we (well, I) selected. I was totally seduced by the shiny covers and the idea that once those glossy pages made their way into our little apartment, our kitchen would somehow magically transform into a veritable hub of culinary sophistication. I had visions of us donning his and hers aprons, Le Creuset pots simmering on our terribly expensive stainless steel range, the air thick with steam and a heady mixture of exotic spices. We'd start shopping at farmers' markets and stock our refrigerator with morels and pea sprouts. We'd make things like pork posole and coq au vin.

But the rub is (that's supposed to be a pun), we don't actually have a stainless steel range. We have a geriatric oven with only 3 out of 4 functioning burners and knobs that come off with a slight flick of the hand. We have one Le Creuset pot and, to be honest, it's really more for show (I liked the color). Plus, our meal repertoire places a disturbing emphasis on chicken nuggets. And I've always wanted to be a regular at a Farmers' Market but I'm not, even though there's a market less than 1 mile from our house between the months of July and October. Clearly, Bon Appetit isn't meant for the likes of us...which is why its glossy pages have gone untouched month after month.

But, this month is different.

DH's best-friend, Hej, is annoyingly urbane when it comes to making meals. He shops almost exclusively at Whole Foods (and Farmers' Markets) and buys things like Bonito flakes and quinoa. He snacks on mackerel for breakfast and is the type who actually would make coq au vin (doing so would be a spur of the moment decision and yet his stainless steel refrigerator would already be replete with the necessaries).

So, the guilt regarding not reading the magazine, and a sense of competition with Hej motivated me to flip through the March issue of BA, searching for a junior varsity recipe with my name on it. To my delight, I found a caramel apple crisp that required simple ingredients and also appeared quite easy to make. I recruited DH to help and, I don't want to toot our own horns,(ok, I do and I will) but this crisp was damn good.

We also got to use this apple corer/peeler thingy-do that my mother-in-law gave me for xmas. Here's a pic. of DH's extraordinarily handsome hands as he figures out how to work the contraption....

So that was a highlight of my weekend. As for my pain situation, it has gotten a wee bit better. I'm still nowhere near where I want to be but I'm trying my best to stay positive. I started taking a high dose of Alleve and I think it has actually started to alleviate (har-har) some of the inflammation. My pain doctor stressed the importance of tackling pain from all sides, pharmaceutically speaking. She said she knew it might seem strange to take Tylenol and Alleve when I take morpine and methadone but explained that the medications are quite different and that, when used in conjunction with one another, are much more effective.

I've also been using my stimulator at a higher amplitude but (and now I get to the point of my title), I've noticed it's been causing my knee to give out every now and then. I'll be walking along (more like shuffling) minding my own bizniss, when, all of a sudden, my knee drops it like it's hot. I don't feel in danger of falling or anything but, well, it's a bit unnerving. Blue did say to me awhile ago that I might have to adjust my settings from sitting to standing because it could be difficult to walk with the stim. on a very high setting. I hadn't noticed any problem until now. It also seems to happen with certain programs and not with others. It's very curious...

Hot Nails, Hot Stim...

2009-03-06T20:25:00.012-05:00

Today I woke up at 5:45 am after having a nightmare about an ill-tempered shark (this shark was a total ass). Once I was awake (and sweating), I couldn't fall back asleep. Yesterday, I was whining about sleeping too late and feeling bad about it so I guess I got what was coming to me. But I hate waking up so early and I was so very sore and I couldn't find a comfortable position and Mr. B was snoring like a freaking motor boat. Suffice it to say, I tossed and turned until 8:00, at which point I rolled out of bed and got ready for my very important nail appointment. It's been difficult for me to find a comfortable position when trying to fall asleep. My right side is only good for about 5-10 minutes, given the placement of my battery and cable. I can sleep on my left side but not for the whole night (and same goes for my back). I end up doing a lot of switching positions and this elicits multiple grumbles and sighs from Mr. B (DH is a much better sport about it).

My sleepy medication (Ativan, 1.5 mg at bed-time) has been very helpful, however. If it's alright with your doctor, I highly recommend you take something to help you sleep post-stimulator placement. That also goes for the temporary placement, as it can get fairly uncomfortable when the wires pull while you move around at night (and I hate to say it, but they likely will pull. You'll be ok and you'll get through it but you'll want to minimize all pullage).

Anyway, I made it to my appointment at the nail salon (and I was even on time which is an amazing feat, for me). Even though I was in significant pain, it was quite nice to have a nurturing touch bestowed upon my chubby little man-hands. I've been kind of down in the dumps the past few days..feeling on the edge of discouragement (not quite there but almost). So it was good for me to get out and do something fun. Plus, I totally got the free gift for being one of the first 10 customers at the event. I feigned like I had no idea what the owner was talking about when she came over with a basket full of nail-polish all wrapped up in little baggies...but in my head I was all, "Oh my God, be cool, Danimal. Be cool!").

So, I was charging up yesterday and after about an hour, my charger started to complain (loud beeping noise) and a screen came up with a little thermometer on it. It looked like an angry thermometer and the charger was getting pretty hot so I assumed there was some sort of overheating issue. I fished out the Medtronic booklet and sure enough found this page...

"Your skin is too warm for a successful charging session?!!" Wtf?!! I've noticed in the past that the charger feels warm and sometimes even hot. But I guess this time my skin was also hot (?) and the combination of the two put the system in a bad mood. I'm not sure what to do if this continues to happen, as I don't want the charging capacity to be affected. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Well, here's another picture of Mr. B. I know it looks like he's lounging on a giant, flat potato but that's actually his bed (minus the outside cover). He's clearly annoyed that I'm taking his picture. Whatever, Mr. B. What. Ever.

Is that a Stimulator in my Pocket, or am I Just Happy to See You?

2009-03-05T22:12:00.005-05:00

Today was kind of a crap day. In terms of pain, that is. I think things are very inflamed and I'm not sleeping well during the night and it's just coming down on me pretty hard. I slept until 11:00 am and I hate doing that but I do think my body needs the extra sleep in the morning. I just feel like a total loser when I sleep so late. I'd rather wake-up early and take a nap at some point during the day. Anyway, I digress...

The issue I'm having today is whether I should carry my equipment with me whenever I leave the house. I'm not talking about charging equipment..I'm just referring to the hand held device needed to turn the system on and off (the MyStim and the little antenna..as pictured above). Thus far, I've taken it with me for fear of some sort of crazy system malfunction which requires emergency system shut-off, lest I urinate myself. Not that I actually have any reason to fear this. Though I did get a shocky feeling with the stimulator once..but that was during my readjustment and I most definitely didn't urinate myself (at least, I don't think I did).

It's just quite cumbersome to have to carry the MyStim all the time. However, it's winter and it's cold out so I do need to wear a jacket and, as such, I have a pocket available in which to put the stim. (said pocket is part of a down jacket that looks like a sleeping bag. It's not attractive and I kind of feel like a man when I wear it.)

Anyway, what am I to do when it's the summer and I'm wearing hot pants and there are no pockets to be found? Will I have to resort to wearing one of those horrid belts?! I mean, if I'm just stepping out for a walk with Mr. B, do I really need to take the MyStim? Can I set it at home and leave it there? Or is it just best to get into the habit of carrying the Mystim with me whenever I leave the house, regardless of where I'm going? God knows that I should do that with my cell phone (much to DH's displeasure, I constantly let my cell phone run out of batteries and/or forget it at home).

Well, I best be getting to bed, as I have to wake up tomorrow for something ridiculously unimportant. I decided it was absolutely necessary to get my nails done at 9 am (despite the fact that I always sleep until or past 9 am). The nail place had the entire day open but I picked the first appointment because they are having an event where the first 10 people through the door get a free gift. I'm not even guaranteed to be one of the first 10 customers through the door, and yet I was bamboozled into making an early appointment (I'm a sucker for free gifts). Did I mention I've been in horrible pain lately? I better get that free gift...

One Sore Danimal...

2009-03-04T21:30:00.002-05:00

While it may (still) be a stinking winter wonderland outside, I've brought a little bit of spring inside (in your face, winter!) in the form of these daffodils (as well as alstra maria lilies and purple tulips). I have to say, if you're feeling down (and it's understandable that you would), fresh flowers can really help. Though I won't kid myself, the real reason I bought the flowers was to impress a friend who stayed with me this past weekend and to create the charade that my apartment is always wonderfully clean and full of fresh flowery goodness.

Alright, on to complaining. My connecting cable continues to bother me (for the love of Pete). When I met with Blue, last week, she did say that it takes awhile for that pain to go away. My friend J also confirmed that this is the case. She said it took months for her cable pain to go away. I suppose I'll have to be patient but it doesn't mean I won't continue to grumble about it.

But fret not, little ones. As I said yesterday, it is not acute pain. It's more of a bruised, got-kicked-in-the-kidney-with-a-soccer-cleat kind of pain. But, to be honest, I do feel it when anything presses against it..when I sit on the couch, lay down, put a heavy coat or sweater on. And if anyone were to squeeze that side of my waist, I would definitely feel it. Although..what kind of pervert would be squeezing my waist anyway? (this comment does not apply to you DH). DH is actually pretty cute in regard to hugging me. He is extraordinarily careful not to touch that part of my back. I don't know what he would have done if I had had the implant in my "buttock" (that is not my word choice but rather the doctor's. I prefer "butt," as "buttock" makes me think of Michael Jackson and kind of skeeves me out). Anyway, if I had had the implant in my butt cheek (better?), DH would have been SOL (why is it that men can't stop themselves from poking or squeezing your bum whenever you're bending over as they're walking by?).

Anyway, as promised, I asked DH to take a picture of my tunneling cable. Again, I am only posting this because I really want those of you facing this surgery to know what to expect. Otherwise, I would not be caught dead posting pictures of my pasty, freckly back on the internet. I mean, it might help my chances of joining the circus someday but it's definitely going to hurt me when I run for the Senate. Scandalous! Eh..screw the Senate. Here it is...(*am hiding eyes behind hands*)

Do you see that pokey thing that looks like a rib? That's the cable. The spot that really sticks out is the most sore spot. I think it does a little loopy thing and connects somewhere along the top of the incision (I haven't totally figured that out yet). The cable then runs down and wraps around the right side of my body. Once over my lowest rib, I can't really feel it unless I press on it hard...but I've been told I'm not supposed to do that (though, I won't lie, I've definitely felt around in there which promptly induced a strong sense of nausea and a considerable amount of head-shaking and tsk-tsking from DH). As an aside, do you see my cute shower curtain in the background? It has little blue birds on it and it makes me happy. Is that kind of lame to get excited by a shower curtain?

Anyway, in other news, I've started using this goop on my abdominal incision:

The thing is, I don't really care about minimizing the look of this scar. I mean, it ain't keeping me up at night or anything. The pimple on my chin (or "chimple" as I like to call it) is, on the other hand, another matter entirely. But my belly scar is something I'm so used to having, as it was there prior to this surgery as an appendectomy scar (albeit, thinner, smaller and definitely whiter, as I had it done when I was 10). Regardless, I had this stuff in my medicine cabinet (for scars left by said chimples) and I thought I might as well use it. If you have a super hot body and plan on prancing around in your hot, electric-blue bikini (or banana hammock, if you're a dude) then, by all means, slather this stuff on your scars. Or, even if you aren't a beach bunny, you may not want the physical reminder of what you've gone through and that's entirely understandable. This stuff is made of Dimethicone, a shiny, oily substance that you gently rub over the scar (that sounded kind of dirty). You can purchase it at a drug-store for under $10. There are similar products on the market with varying price ranges including Mederma, Scar Zone, Curad Scar Therapy, Scarguard. I'd check out Amazon.com for reviews as I really have no idea which stuff is no better than Crisco and which stuff actually helps.

**Coming Soon**
A reader asked me about my experience with insurance clearance and the time it took before I had approval for my trial procedure. I'm going to do some digging around (metaphorically, of course) which will include a phone call to my insurance company. Please look for my post on this subject- coming soon!

Tromping through the Snow...

2009-03-03T17:52:00.002-05:00

Is tromping even a word? Well, it is now. Anyway, we had an early March snowstorm this past weekend. This is a picture of the snow at the park near my house. I'm trying to be all artsy-fartsy here (emphasis on try). A good 12+ inches blanketed the area. The snow had all but melted, which was good for me seeing as I find it quite difficult to walk on the snow and the ice (and am promptly thrown into a nasty, nasty mood whenever I am forced to walk on any part of an unshoveled sidewalk). See, the last thing I want to do is slip and fall with this neurostimulator. Crikey, my hematoma would not be happy if I took a a spill.

But, I love snow and was conflicted about whether to be excited like a wee little kiddie (as I usually am when it snows) or whether I should be a crotchety, old Danimal. I've decided to linger somewhere in the middle. Of course, Mr. B is thrilled with the snow...which makes it harder for me to walk him, as he gets ants in his pants and tends to pull me so he can go tromp around off-leash (I think I'm going to start incorporating the word tromp into my daily vernacular as much as possible). For all of you dog owners, I recommend you either have help walking your dog (for a good 3.5-4 weeks post-op) or you just teach your dog how to use the toilet. Mr. B resists all attempts at using the toilet (though every time he's been sick in the house, he's gone in our bathroom..go figure). Anyway, lucky me, I have awesome neighbors who have taken Mr. B out when DH is not at home and I am in pain, prostrate on the bed. However, if I didn't have super-cool neighbors, DH and I would have hired a dog-walker for this little guy.

I'm still having trouble with this chilly feeling in my legs when I am outside in the cold. As I mentioned before, Blue said that a post-op patient is all over the place in terms of temp. regulation and hormones and all that junk (that may explain the excessive fits of rage, crying, and self-doubt..or maybe not). Anyway, my friend J said she gets the hot and cold temp. sensations too, and she's had her stimulator for well over 8 years.

The other thing that's continuing to bother me is the tunneling cable. It's not an acute pain by any means...just a really achey, sore, bruisey, icky, I-don't-want-anything-touching-it pain. Also, the cable sticks out of my skin like another rib. I am pretty thin right now though so if I had a little more meat on these bones, it may not be an issue. I'm going to have DH try to take a picture and I'll post it (if it comes out alright) so you can see what it looks like. I'm warning you right now though, this is the stuff that nightmares are made of.

Too..Much...Driving....ugh.

2009-02-26T21:30:00.008-05:00

Look at my sweet handicap placard! Don't be jealous..you, too, can have one. Then you can have nosy people look at you and sneer, "umm...do you know that that's a handicap space?" And you can say "Yes, a-hole, I know it's a handicap space and I suggest you back away slowly before I unleash some serious pent-up chronic-pain-rage on you and that ugly kid of yours." Ok..I'm kidding (kind of). But I'm not a bad person. It just annoys me to know end when people ask me that question without looking to see if I actually have a handicap license plate or placard. In fairness though, I'm young (and amazingly stylish) and I don't look like I have to take loads of morphine just to get through the day. And I actually haven't had anyone say that to me in years..I think it's because I have a hard time getting out of cars now..and I've been using my sweet, sweet cane a lot. But people have said things to me in the past and I've had to exhibit significant restraint and tell myself that there are people who abuse placards, blah, blah, blah.

So, I did way too much driving yesterday. After my appointment at the hospital, I went to the book-store and then I went to the mall because it was suddenly vitally imporant that I go to a make-up counter. Why did I think I was up for that? I have no idea. Bad Danimal! The thing is, patients can’t use the stimulator while driving (or, at least, you aren’t supposed to). I try to be a good Danimal who follows the rules so I didn’t have the stimulator on..but that meant that I had all sorts of pain and muscle spasms while driving and, well, it just got ugly by the time I got out of the car. I came home and was exhausted and sore and pretty much reduced to a state of whimpering on the couch. In general, I’m feeling a little better today but I woke up with a bruised, tender feeling all around my waist and where the cable runs over my ribs. I guess my body wasn’t too happy about how much driving I actually did.

So today I tried to take it easy. I slept in late, did one errand (look, I was seriously craving a Snickers bar) and I took Mr. B for a walk (he was quite naughty and decided to eat as much garbage as possible..including the poop of an unknown animal, soggy bread and a dead bird. Why must he try my patience?!!). Anyway, I’m hoping this bruised feeling will be a little better tomorrow. ..it seems like every day I’m waking up with a new, odd uncomfortable feeling. Sigh….

Drove Downtown for Stim. Adjustment...

2009-02-25T21:14:00.002-05:00

I'm driving! Wee! Don't worry, I took this picture not when I was driving, but when I was sitting with the car off. I took myself to my first stimulator adjustment appointment this morning. I drove downtown to meet Blue at the main hospital and shuffled my way to the neuro. office. I left my cane in the car but actually could have used it. The thing is, I notice that when I cane around at the hospital a lot of people stare at me. What’s up with that? I am in a hospital, people!

Anyway, Blue and I got started in one of the exam rooms and I sat in a ridiculously uncomfortable chair while she powered up her little Medtronic computer thingy. I lasted about 10 minutes in that chair before the crazy gremlin in my leg started shooting elf darts into my hip (ouch) so I stopped Blue mid-sentence and crawled over to the exam table (much better). I haven’t been getting good coverage in the back of my legs so we spent an hour trying different programs to work on that (poor Blue..I don’t think she thought it would take that long). I asked Blue how many programs there actually are and she told me about half a million! I couldn’t believe it! However, with 16 electrodes and all the pulse and amplitude options, there are a ton of permutations. This means if your current programs aren’t working for you, there is a lot of tweaking that can be done. So, after much tweaking, Blue programmed in 3 new programs for me (so I have a total number of 6 programs). She suggested I power up each program on it’s own and make some notes as to where I’m getting coverage.

Dr. A also came in and checked out my heemie-toma. He said that it’s looking better (yay!). He also asked if I was having pain when I breathe (no). I wasn’t sure why he asked me about that but, in retrospect, I think it has to do with the connecting cable (since I do feel it when I take deep breaths..although it doesn’t hurt).

Blue also told me it takes patients about 4 months to totally heal from this surgery. One month down..3 to go! That's how my friend, S, put it. Thought that was a good way of looking at it...

Heading Away for the Weekend...

2009-02-20T12:40:00.008-05:00

DH and I are heading up North for the weekend for a friend's 30th birthday party. His wife rented a condo for a few friends and family and most everyone, save for me and our friend's wife (who has been experiencing back problems herself), will be going skiing tomorrow and most likely on Sunday. So I'll get to rest at the condo tomorrow but I'm pretty nervous about the ride up. It's going to be about 3 hours, maybe more and I've been feeling really crappy the past few days. I did too much this week. Why can't I take my own advice?!! I sat at the computer for hours on Wednesday and, since then, I've been pretty miserable. I've been having muscle spasms around my back incision and the connecting cable did something weird yesterday and moved around..and it kind of made me want to throw-up.

I am also a little anxious about the bed situation, as there are more guests than real beds. DH said he'd have no problem asking for a real bed for me (he's the best husband, seriously) and our friends (who are hosting) do know that I just had surgery so I'm likely worrying for nothing.

Oh..on a side note, the hematoma is getting a little better. I took a picture of it the other day. I'm not going to deny the fact that it still looks gross (and I apologize for that) but I really want all of you prospective patients to have a good idea of what to expect (though, hopefully you won't find yourself with a little hematoma friend like I have). You can also see that my belly incision is healing and then you can also see some of the bruising that's going on around my belly button and lower.

I know, I know..pretty hot. Bikini season here I come!

Alright..I better start packing as it takes me 3 times as long to do things as it does the normal person....

One Month Post-Op!! Wee!!

2009-02-16T10:30:00.001-05:00

I don't have too much to write today..but I did want to make a note of that fact that, this time one month ago, I was still in surgery! It's amazing to me that a month has already gone by. In some ways, it seems like just yesterday that I was in the hospital but, in other ways, it seems like it was a lifetime ago. I'm happy with the progress I'm making..even though it's slow. I can also say that I'm happy I decided to do the surgery, especially since I had very little complications besides my heemie-toma, but that really isn't a huge deal.

The one thing that is difficult for me, however, is when people keep asking me "Well, did it work?!" I don't want to sound negative when I say that "it's helping" rather than coming out with a resounding "Oh my God..this thing is amazing..I have no pain and I have better cable reception. Not to mention the fact that it's caused my breasts to go up a cup size and I'm now testing at an IQ level of genius." I mean..it's just not like that, as much as I wish it were. However, my doctors prepared me for the fact that I (realistically) would have to continue to be on my pain meds. and that a 50% reduction in pain would be considered a success, in their eyes. I also keep going back to the fact that I'm more comfortable with the stimulator on than with it off. To me, that is an indicator of it being a good decision.

I'm also hopeful too. It's only been one month and I know my tissues are still inflamed and healing so I'm hopeful that things may get even better for me as time passes...

This Girl Comes Well Equipped...

2009-02-15T19:48:00.004-05:00

One thing I've been wanting to do with this blog is post pictures of all the external equipment that comes along with having a neurostimulator. I chose to have the Medtronic RestoreUltra stimulator implanted so, as I've previously talked about, the RestoreUltra is a rechargeable model. There is a little more equipment that comes along with having a rechargeable model but let's start with the standard equipment that comes with all Medtronic models (if you aren't thinking about getting a Medtronic model, don't worry because the equipment is fairly similar for all neurostimulators..the differences mostly lie in styling and specific program options).

The first thing I'll show you is the Patient Programmer (known as the MyStim). It is about 3.5 inches by about 2 inches. It's about the size of my palm.

Here's a look at MyStim from the side....

The light gray button with the lightening bolt turns the stimulator on. The darker gray button below it turns the stimulator off. There is another button below that but my fabulously nail-polished thumb is covering it (totally kidding on that one..I know that polish color looks like something a 15 year old would wear....but, hey, it had sparkles in it and I couldn't resist!). Anyway, the button I'm covering with my thumb is the "synch" button (which enables communication with the stimulator). The little gray cord you see plugged into the MyStim is the antenna cable. There is a little antenna jack on the other side of the MyStim and that's where the antenna cable plugs in. The antenna cable connects to the antenna. The antenna is a flat shaped paddle thingy that is about 3 inches by 2 inches (and it also fits easily in the palm of my hand). The antenna has a weird tear dropped cut-out in the center. It looks like this:

This paddle antenna is what you hold over your battery to turn the stimulator on, off, up, down (you get the idea). You can also hold the MyStim directly over your stimulator but that takes a little more finesse. The antenna paddle is good for newbies (or simply for uncoordinated patients, like moi). Now, the funny looking cut-out in the antenna isn't just for show. DH and I hypothesized all sorts of reasons why it would be there (I won't bore you with the embarrassing details of that) but then I actually took the time to read the patient information booklet and it turns out the cut-out is so you can poke your shirt through it to hold the antenna in place. Like this...

The only down-side to pushing your shirt through the antenna paddle is that you're left with a funny looking poky shape sticking out of your shirt afterward. Since I still have the hematoma poking out of my belly, I prefer to minimize additional pokage..so I've just been holding the antenna paddle up to the stimulator.

This is what both components together look like:

Now for the charging equipment...

First of all, Medtronic gives you this handy-dandy carrying case in which to put all the equipment. Under this front flap, is a pocket where you can put product information. In the little plastic card holder space, you can put your product identification card (or a really hot picture of yourself). There's a nice strap attached to the top there..you can kind of see it in the picture and it's pretty easy to carry. This is the case I had mentioned can be taken on a plane (it makes sense not to check this equipment when flying given the fact that luggage often gets lost).

It looks kind of like a lap-top case. Let's unzip it and take a look inside!

Almost there...

And..here we are....all sorts of pockets and pen holders too!

And there's another pocket on the side that the charging cable goes through (which you can then plug into the wall. You don't have to but, apparently, the stimulator charges faster if the charger is plugged into the wall).

Alright..now on to the actual charging equipment. Again, if you aren't thinking of a Medtronic model, keep in mind that most models have something similar to this set-up to offer. Of course, do your research to figure out what would be best for you (although, I should note that what brand you select is often dictated by the doctor you choose, as every doctor has his or her own preference).

My charging system consists of a recharger, a connecting cable, a recharger pouch, an antenna, a template and a belt. I can charge wirelessly or I can charge with the recharger plugged into the wall.

The recharger is about 4 inches by 2.5 inches. It's bigger than the MyStim but still pretty easy to hold in one's hand. The recharger is connected by a cable to the charging antenna. The antenna is about the size of a hockey puck but it's more oval in shape and thinner in width. Take a look at the two components together...

And here is the "template." Those light gray things at the top and bottom are squishy and gel-like. They go against your skin to make it a little more comfortable. You can also see the super-sweet belt in this picture. The belts come in an (extremely) large size but you can trim them to fit the size of your waist. I have yet to do this and, therefore, have been walking around with a tail when I charge.

The template is basically the holder for the antenna. The antenna clips in easily...

And all clipped in (drum-roll)....

The antenna "plate" that you see in the picture above can get a little warm. You can put it directly on your skin but if you tend to be sweaty, like me, you might be more comfortable with a thin shirt in between.

Here's a side-view of the antenna clipped into the template...(and another look at my totally awesome sparkly nail-polish, again, the likes of which might be seen on someone half my age)...

And here's a picture of the recharger "pouch." This attaches to your belt so you don't have to hold the recharger in your hand while going about your business (and by "business," I mean sitting on the couch and watching tv an activity that clearly demands use of both hands). I'm not going to lie..it's ugly and super dorky looking. There's no way around it. However, it's unlikely you'll be charging up the old stimulator when you're on a date or a job interview..so don't worry about the way it looks.

Isn't the faux-leather of this pouch just fancy-schmancy?!

Alright..so that's the end of the equipment!

Happy Valentine's Day and Juicing Up....

2009-02-14T22:52:00.010-05:00

I'm sitting here on the couch charging up the old stimulator. I let it get down to half-full on the batteries..which I promised myself (and DH) that I wouldn't do but, alas, here I am. I talked a big talk about charging it every night so I wouldn't have to be stuck charging for hours on end but, when it comes down to it, I'm pretty much full of it. However, I'm beginning to realize the inconvenience involved in not actually charging it (or "topping it off") every night. So..I really, really, really am going to make an effort to charge it every night because I think I'd be looking at 20 minutes a night versus a few hours of being hooked up to the charging antenna (paddle) and the "recharger" (external battery thingy).

Last night, DH and I went to a friend's house for a birthday party. It was my first "real" outing since the surgery and I did pretty well! I told DH, beforehand, that I probably wouldn't last more than 2 hours and when I was really starting to feel pain and was ready to go, the little bugger popped open another beer. That beer turned into a second one, a third one...a glass of scotch (or two) and, before I knew it, we had been there for almost 3.5 hours! I was really feeling it..especially in my back incision because I was sitting at a table but I had a really good time. I adjusted my stimulator settings a few times and that was a little strange, as I had to do that in the middle of a conversation. It's not exactly subtle to take out your "MyStim" and beep it up a few notches but I was among friends so it really didn't matter. Plus, it's just something I'm going to have to get used to.

As DH and I left the party and I caned my way to the car (I drove us home! although..it was only a 5 minute drive), I went to fish the car keys out of my extraordinarily messy pocket book and I dropped the MyStim on the freaking ground! I had just told DH that the product booklet says it's made to withstand small drops but, dang it, the thing made a really loud noise when I did. I was very afraid I'd turn it on and it wouldn't work but, luckily, it was totally fine. It's pretty typical of me to drop things but I am going to have to make a conscious effort to be careful with this equipment, given how expensive it is.

DH and I have a nice Valentine's evening. DH gave me a french press as a gift which left me giddy as I have a certain affection for coffee, making coffee, smelling coffee, waking up to coffee being made, etc. I had been wanting one for awhile so the sneaky devil surprised me with one (ok..maybe I wasn't that surprised but I was still excited). I can't resist adding a pic. Here it is all set up!

We are also dog-sitting a neighbor's dog which is fun..although I don't think Mr. B sees it that way. He tends to be a little grumpy about things involving his space and routine. Not that he would ever growl or be mean..he just pouts. But it's nice because, as I'm charging up my stimulator, I have a canine companion on either side of me. But I still feel pretty worn out from last night so I think it's time to sign off and call it a day...

First Post-Surgical Walk with Mr. B...

2009-02-08T19:03:00.011-05:00

Well, after a few weeks of having neighbors take Mr. B out for his daily afternoon walk (DH takes care of the morning and evening), I decided I'd try taking Mr. B out myself. DH went skiing today and I didn't really want to impose on anyone on a Sunday. Plus, I really wanted to see if I'd be able to handle the walk myself. Er..can you say bad idea?! I put on my abdominal binder and used my cane but those two implements didn't help much. One problem was that I didn't dress warmly enough and the stimulator made that worse. Sometimes the setting on the stimulator makes me feel cold. It almost mimics a shivering sensation. So, I was out in the snow and wind with that sensation running through my legs and yikes..I was frigid (and very cranky to boot)! I'm not sure if that happens with everyone but I know of one other person with a stimulator who experiences cold (and warm/hot) sensations with particular settings.

The other difficulty was the fact that so many of my neighborhood sidewalks were not shoveled and that made for some pretty icy walking. Needless to say, a number of expletives were muttered under my breath during the course of the walk and if I could have shaken my cane at every non-elderly, non-disabled neighbor who failed to shovel their portion of the sidewalk, I totally would have. Ok..so that last part is a big lie but I do fancy myself a cane shaker (at least in my head). Anyway, I'm just slow these days. I get tired out pretty easily and can't walk quickly with this blasted hematoma so it took a good 45 minutes to shuffle a short loop. Mr. B was very good but he is a 65 lb. lab who tends to get excited every now and again..so I had to nag him for much of the walk. Poor little guy was probably sick to death of hearing me screech "wait!" and "slow down!" I'm pretty sure he was as miserable as I was.

Needless to say..if you're recovering from this surgery..a few words to the wise. Don't push yourself! I know it's difficult asking for help and it sure is boring being cooped up inside all day but do take it slowly. Of course..it's easy for me to say this to other people but now I have to take my own advice!

Up-date (2/9/09): My neighbor informed me that her husband spied me out the window yesterday shuffling down the side-walk with Mr. B. Apparently, I "did not look happy." I'm kind of chuckling at the image now...

Post-Surgery Must Haves....Part 2

2009-02-06T22:13:00.008-05:00

One thing most patient have to contend with, post surgery, is a little "blockage" in the old system..if you know what I mean. Ok, to be blunt..you're probably going to have to deal with some constipation. Look, I didn't say the stuff I talk about on this blog was going to be pretty..I'm just realistic. The thing is, most patients who undergo stimulator surgery are already on pain medication and are, therefore, plenty familiar with the old belly-full-of-poop syndrome. But it's important to recognize that, post-surgery, you're likely going to be on a higher dose of pain meds..at least for the immediate recovery period. So if you already take some sort of laxative or softener, you're going to have to ramp it up a bit. Believe me, you do not want to be constipated when you have a fresh abdominal and or back incisions. Not fun. The solution to this....

The stuff on the left, in the white bottle, is also the same stuff as Miralax. You can get it at any drugstore but I get it as a prescription because it costs less (as a prescription, it's called glycolax). It's a white powder that you mix with water and it's pretty much tasteless. I have a low tolerance for gloppy fiber-type drinks and this is very easy for me to stomach. The bottle on the right is senna which is a natural vegetable laxative. It's very gentle (I feel like an old man talking about bowel stuff).

In addition to Miralax and senna, you may want to use....

Colace is basically mineral oil. It's a stool softener (as is obvious by the GIANT letters printed on the bottle..a fact which makes going to the check-out counter a tad humiliating). When I was in the hospital, I was given all three of these items and they really, really helped. Of course, it's important to check with your doctor before you take anything, even over-the-counter stuff.

The next thing I'd recommend is getting a box of straws. I found it really difficult to drink out of a cup for the first 1.5-2 weeks following surgery. It was hard to sit up enough to tilt the cup and, well, I would just make a mess of myself (and let's face it..I was already enough of a mess). I got these pretty colorful straws and used them for everything!

I even used the straws for coffee. Drinking coffee out of a straw is kind of weird but it was better than not having coffee, that's for sure...

Next, I'd recommend purchasing some nutritional drinks and energy bars. This has been important for me because I lost a bit of weight before surgery and have had a very iffy appetite since the surgery (it's really important for patients recovering from surgery to get proper nutrients and vitamins/minerals). I find these products to be extremely helpful in this regard. My drink of choice is Ensure (chocolate, to be specific) and for energy bars I like Clif bars (peanut butter), Kashi Roll bars and Odwalla bars. You can get the bars at places like Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, CVS, Walgreen's and in the organic foods section of most grocery stores.

Next on this list..breath fresheners!! I'd highly recommend having gum or some sort of breath aid with you in the hospital. DH brought me these the night of my surgery.

Those little containers on the right are breath strips. They're really cool..you put one little strip on your tongue and they dissolve instantly. Very refreshing! Anyway, you may think it weird that I recommend this but I woke up from surgery with a horrible deathly taste in my mouth (see my post on the actual surgery). I didn't like the idea that I could make visitors faint with a slight huff of my breath. Plus, there was Philip to consider. Philip was in my room every 4 hours taking my vitals, including temperature...so he had to lean over and get right in my face. I didn't want the poor guy to suffer! I'm just saying, it was really nice to have a little breath freshener now and then..especially since your dignity will be significantly diminished while you're stuck in a hospital bed (greasy hair + hospital gown = low self-esteem).

Now, for a word on clothing. I had asked for a few comfy pj "sets" for Christmas with my surgery in mind. I was so, so happy I did this. It was wonderful to not have to wear the same sweatpants every single day for a month. And, more importantly, I had a number of pants with a drawstring waist...which is a must after this type of surgery. I had very good luck with the pj pants at The Gap and Old Navy. My mom also bought me a pair of extremely cozy (men's) sweatpants made by Tommy Bahama and those are quite comfortable and wonderful.

On to undergarments. My leads are placed in the T9-T10 area..which means I have an incision right where my bra strap normally lies. To get around the discomfort of a strap rubbing against that incision, I've been wearing fitted camisoles and putting a bra over the camisole. I was also given (by my super nice friend, J, who had a stim. implanted years ago), a bra that clasps in the front, rather than in the back. This was particularly helpful in the early days of my recovery when reaching my arms around to my back was nowhere near an option. Of course, you male patients won't have to worry about any of this (unless you like to wear women's underwear...in which case I won't judge).

The next must have only applies to patients living in snowy climates. I happen to live in just such a climate and, since my surgery was on January 16th, snow and ice is something I've had to contend with. For the most part, I've stayed inside but there have been times I've had to leave the house (for post-op. appointments) and then, after awhile, I've wanted to leave the house. So, if you're going to have your surgery during the winter and you're also going to have to deal with snow & ice, then I'd highly recommend buying a pair of these:

They're called "Yaktrax" and you slip them on over your boots or sneakers. These things are a Godsend, I'm telling you. You can walk on ice without the mortal fear of slipping and falling (and, believe me, when your incisions are fresh..the last thing you want to do is fall.). They have little coils on the bottom of them which is what prevents you from sliding around on the ice. They're really quite magical...

Ok..I think that is the end of my list!

Post-Surgery Must Haves...Part 1

2009-02-05T21:07:00.000-05:00

If you're preparing to have a neurostimulator implanted, there are a number of items that can make your life easier post-recovery. Now, of course, this is my personal list so some of these items may not interest you but I thought it would be helpful if I talked about the things that have (and continue to) help me in my recovery. A huge help is a "safe" shower seat. When I came home from the hospital, I felt weak and icky and the thought of standing in a shower, even for 5 minutes, was incredible unappealing. The idea of actually getting clean, after 5 days of greasy hair and inadequate sponge baths was like heaven. The occupational therapist from the hospital suggested a safe shower seat so we set about trying to track one down. My local CVS and Walgreen's both had them but they charged between $65-$70. I wanted the dang seat but that seemed way too steep for me. In comes Home Depot to the rescue! They had a great seat for $25. This is what it looks like...

And here is the box it came in...

The next extremely helpful item is a grabber (not sure if that's the technical term for it..but that's what I've been calling it). DH has a co-worker who recently had back surgery and the hospital gave her one of these before she was discharged. I wish I had had one of these when I was recovering from my previous back surgeries! Anyway, she was very nice to lend it to me. It basically saves you from bending over whenever you need to pick up something off the floor, be it big or small. I even picked up a single coffee bean with this thing (afterall, I couldn't have Mr. B get his chompers on that bean). The grabber has also been helpful to me in getting dressed (socks, undies, pj pants. etc). It's absolutely worth asking your physical therapist if the hospital has one of these to give to you. This is what it looks like...

Here I am using the grabber to grab one of DH's socks...(yes, you can insert a dirty joke about grabbing "things" here).

The next "must have" for me has been an abdominal binder. Prior to my surgery, I talked with a few patients online who had gone through recovery and had used a binder. Of course, if your implant is in your back/buttocks or head, then an abdominal binder won't be necessary (actually..if it's in your back, it may be helpful if you get a large enough size). Anyway, if you have an abdominal implant, these binders can help with swelling and can also act as a protector for the battery as you heal. It makes the idea of banging into kitchen counters and table edges a lot less scary. FYI: I needed a prescription for this but Dr. A was more than happy to give me one when I mentioned it. Here's the one I got (at a durable medical goods supplier) for $27.95.

Ok, so this thing is basically a girdle but it's been very good for keeping the hematoma under wraps and, as I said, it offers a certain amount of security in terms of protecting your abdominal incision and the battery site. It can rub a little bit so I wear it over a shirt and a camisole/undershirt. Because, really, looks don't really matter at this point...

Stimulating Sleep

2009-02-04T22:33:00.002-05:00

I had a difficult time sleeping last night. That's not much of a new thing but, what is new, is the realization that I can't sleep for long on my right side due to the cable that snakes around my waist. Before the implant, I didn't sleep on my right side for long, simply because it's my "bad" side. Now, it seems that the time I can spend on that side is even less than before. I figured this out when I woke up after having been on my side for a few hours and, holy-moly, was I sore! The tunneling that my surgeon did with this cable feels like a bad bruise (even though there is no bruise visible). When I press on the cable, it really feels bruised (why I continue to press on the cable to elicit this feeling is beyond me). So, anyway, sleeping on this little cable for hours was not a fun feeling. **Note to self...do not fall asleep on right side.

Surprisingly, having the stimulator turned on while I sleep is not too much of a distraction. Blue suggested I keep it on but at a lower setting..like 2-2.5 for amplitude. This is exactly what I've been doing and it's worked out pretty nicely. It's enough that I can feel it..but not so much that I can't sleep.

Despite the fact that I didn't sleep well last night (I kept myself occupied with Stephanie Meyer's "Eclipse"..don't judge me), I did sleep until well past 11 this morning. Mr. B snuggled up right next to me and I had myself a nice little nap. Normally, I hate sleeping so late because I feel super guilty about it (even though dealing with chronic pain requires that I sleep more) but I know that I need to get extra sleep while I'm recovering from this surgery.

Speaking of..I should be off to sleep now (if I'm lucky...otherwise..it's another few hours with a teen vampire novel..see below. Again, don't judge).

Weighing In...

2009-02-02T17:45:00.001-05:00

I had lost a bit of weight prior to having my surgery and was worried about losing more after as I was starting to get too thin and bony (no woman wants to resemble a prepubescent boy).

Anyway, I've been trying to eat well but I needed to weigh myself to actually keep track. I have one of those scales which can measure body-fat in addition to weight. I'm not sure how accurate it is but I like it well enough (DH and I bought on a whim when going through one of those "we're going to get in amazing shape" phases). So, this morning, I turned the scale on with my toe and was just about to step on when I noticed (for the first time..even though we've had the scale for years) this sticker...

Well, the fact is, neurostimulators are not that unlike pacemakers. In fact, Blue has told me on two occasions that it's easiest to tell people that I have a "pain pacemaker" because people (who have never heard the term 'neurostimulator' before) will be less confused. After reading through the Medtronic safety manual, I've been a wee bit nervous about the things I can and cannot do with my new stimulator. I mean..it's a lot to take in and, if I'm being completely honest, kinda scary! So instead of testing my luck, I decided to call a Medtronic patient representative to ask about the scale. I found the number on the back of my patient identification card and gave the company a ringy-dingy. I pressed the number for the spinal cord stimulator division and didn't have to wait long before a pleasant sounding youngish woman picked up the phone. After providing a few identifying details about myself, she pulled up my case file (well, I assume that's what she did) and asked how she could help. I told her about the warning on the scale and, in the end, she suggested I merely turn the stimulator off before stepping on the scale. We talked about a few more things and she explained her reasoning and, by the end of the conversation, I felt a lot better. After getting off the phone, I did turn off the stimulator and had no problems whatsoever with stepping on the scale.

I'm not purporting to give anyone advice about specific situations relating to their stimulator but I do want to emphasize that if you're unsure as to how something may interact with your stim., then take the few minutes to call the company who makes your implant. It's really quite easy to make the call and it's definitely worth putting your mind at ease. It was for me!

Conquering Pre-Surgery Anxiety..

2009-02-01T13:00:00.003-05:00

It's quite normal to feel a lot of anxiety before this surgery. I had many sleepless nights, tossing and turning and oftentimes felt my mind wandering about the possible risks involved with the surgery. This was feeling was quite new to me, as I never experienced that type of anxiety with my previous back surgeries. I think what was difficult for me in regard to this surgery was the fact that it really was a choice I made. I didn't feel that way about my other surgeries...with those I felt like I had to have them done. Given that I had about 50% relief with my stimulator trials, I was on the fence with this surgery and really wasn't sure if I was making the right decision. When I started to worry..I began to question myself and wonder if I was having some sort of "gut" feeling that I was ignoring. I kept saying to myself "maybe something is trying to tell me not to have the surgery.." Obviously, in the end, I decided to have the surgery and I made it through with flying colors. But, I want everyone who is facing this surgery to know that worrying about it is completely normal.
There were a few things that helped me cope with the anxiety of this surgery and its attendant risks. The first was reading. Reading is a wonderful escape for me and one of my favorite activities. I found a number of books dealing with chronic pain and coping with chronic pain and illness. It was nice to read about other people's experiences and to feel like I wasn't (and am not) alone. I bought these 3 books:

This first one, "Just Fine," is full of individual stories of patients with chronic pain and "concealed" chronic illness. And then there are these two..

The book on the right, "Life Disrupted," is specific to patients in their twenties and thirties. The book on the left, "Sick and Tired of Feeling Sick and Tired," (good title, eh?) looks at living with invisible chronic illness from more of a medical viewpoint. Both are very good (check out the reviews on Amazon.com). The next thing I'd recommend is a relaxation cd. I found some at my local library but they weren't exactly what I was looking for. What I really wanted was a cd specific to pre-op patients. As luck would have it, when I went to my pre-op appointment, I saw a poster for this cd in the waiting room...

I found out that I could buy this (for $19.99) at my hospital's gift shop so after my appointment, I trudged up there and happily made the purchase. It was only a few days before the surgery, but that didn't matter. It helped me 1)relax about the whole procedure and 2)got me to think positively. There are actually 2 cds that come with this. One cd is an interview with the author where she talks about the science supporting the idea that relaxation and positive can shorten one's hospital stay and assist in post-surgical healing. The second cd is the actual relaxation cd where the author gets you in the relaxation mode. Seriously, even if your surgery is next week, I highly recommend purchasing this or something similar. Be open minded...it's worth it! You can order this cd off of the author's website. I've posted a link to it in my helpful links section.
The rest of my advice regarding mentally and emotionally preparing for surgery is simply this...find things to do that make you happy and will help you relax. For example, I have a love affair with scented candles (much to the chagrin of DH's nostrils). So, DH (good man that he is) bought me a whole bunch of yummy-smelling candles. I had these by my bedside at night while reading which helped put me in a calm, happy mood. I'm partial to Yankee Candles..

I also scheduled a few therapeutic massages before the surgery (which I try to get on a regular basis anyway with a therapist who specializes in patients with chronic pain), I did a lot of pleasurable reading, I took Mr. B for nice walks, I watched funny movies and, the afternoon before surgery, I had a luxurious pedicure (for some reason, I found it vitally important that my toes look good). Afterward, I went to a pie shop and stuffed my face with a giant piece of lemon meringue pie. Mmmmm. I also started going back to church (Catholic) and I prayed, prayed, prayed that everything would be alright. Of course, everyone is different so you'll need to decide what it is that makes YOU happy, calm, and relaxed. Make a list of those things..and do them! Above all else, try to stay calm. Take deep breaths. Think positively.